Expert: Joanne - 1/15/2009

Question
Hi, i have been anorexic for awhile i was very sick and close to having her beat me i knew i needed help and went on the path to recovery but i have been struggling since i got my weight back up but i started to relapse by over workout, chew and spit and now i have been on a habbit of starving myself for 2 days than eating normal and back again recently i have done the starving than binging and purging it just seems like it is never ending and i am scared cause i really do not want to go down the path of mia but she seems to have already creept in my head. I dont know what to do as i have this huge fear of gaining weight and than no one loving me and im afraid im going to die eventually if i dont get help how do i go about it how do i convience myself?

Answer
Jessica

Its great that you are attempting recovery, regardless of whether or not you have relapsed now.  You have to look at this as a 'blip' rather than a complete failure and you need to be proud of yourself for realising that you are struggling rather than just trying to hide it and live in denial over it all!

Did you attempt recovery yourself?  Or have you had professional help?  If you have not had any help from professionals, then that is the best place to start.  You need to work on the reasons that led you to an eating disorder.  As you most likely know, eating disorders are much more than just a 'diet out of control', and that there are usually some emotional issues behind them.  In order to have a good recovery, and hopefully beat it once and for all, then it is important to address these issues and work to put them to rest.  This is usually best done with a counsellor or therapist.  For some people this may mean looking into their past and dealing with traumatic incidents, or looking at relationships that have gone wrong, etc, but for a lot of people cognitive behavioural therapy is the best way forward.  This looks at thoughts and feelings behind your behaviours, and then works with you to turn these thoughts into something much more positive.  It is basically a way of making you look at your life and situations in a different light and hopefully teach you better coping mechanisms.

Now if you are already receiving this help, then you need to talk to the people involved in your care about these new behaviours/situation and make sure that they are aware that you are struggling and maybe need to take things further or take a new approach.

I think that you should look at the information on eating disorders available out there online, and have a look at all the damaging effects that eating disorders can have.  Sometimes that can be enough to kickstart a whole new attempt at recovery.  Or set yourself a whole new goal - something that you would be unable to do in your current position.  Mine's was medical school.  I knew that to stay in med school, I needed to be eating disorder free, especially since I was in a situation where people were a lot more clued up about the tell-tale signs.  Maybe it is a new sport that you would like to try, or a new job, or simply a hobby that requires a lot of concentration or you to be in good health.  Tell yourself that as soon as you reach a healthy weight, and have better eating habits that you can do whatever, buy whatever it is that you want!  This may be a bit of a simplistic approach, and many would say that it'll not work, but there will be some people out there that have ambitions that they need to be healthy to achieve, and it gives you something to work towards.

Please just talk to someone that is in a real position to help you!  Please go to your doctor, or a relative, or teacher or counsellor!  You'd be amazed at how much help you could receive once you are open and honest about all of this.  If people can't provide you with the help you need, then they should at least be able to point you in the direction of someone that can.  There may be support groups available in the area you live, or eating disorder facilities that will accept self-referrals if you don't want to go to your own doctor.  Your family and friends will give you all the love and support that you need for your recovery, and you just need to open up to them.  If you live with family, they may be able to provide you with structured meal times and help you plan and eat meals.  They may also be able to help you find something to keep you busy after meals in the hope that it will stop you from purging.

Most of all, please (whilst attempting to get professional help!) try to stop starving yourself.  Easier said than done, I know, but if you don't starve yourself, you will find that you are less likely to binge and purge!  By trying to eat three balanced meals a day, with small snacks in between hopefully, you should be able to control what you eat and when better!

Please feel free to get back in touch!


Joanne