Expert: Ryan Hale - 1/25/2009

Question
Ryah,

I have a history of running 40-50 miles a week in addition to swimming 3 miles.  I am 5"7" and my lowest weight was 114 where my periods ceased and I was extremely comfortable with my body.

I now weigh 120-123 yet I cannot stand the weight on me.  I think about it all of the time and say to myself "I know how to get this weight off".

Eating is difficult for me.  I do not experience  hunger and when I eat, I feel the weight coming on and it hurts my stomach.  

Yesterday I ran for 2 hours (8 miles), walked for 6 and swam 43 laps (one mile is 35).  I feel better exercising 3 hours a day, on a big level my body demands it.  I did not eat yesterday.  When I expercise that much, it makes me sick to my stomach and I cannot handle food.  Today I have eaten roughly 1400 calories and have not exercised at all.  Today is a recovery day.

I want to be an athlete again.  I love how my body hums after a long run and plan to run again tommorow.  

My family and friends are worried about me and so am I.  I do not want to be fat.  I live in fear of getting fat, yet I have gained weight.  This is ruling my life and I need help with it.  Thanks so much for listening.

Answer
Melissa,

First, I honor your courage to talk to someone about this and your desire to get better.  You really, really must see someone in person about this.  I don't know what community you live in but there are resources for counseling most everywhere.  Even if you have seen a counselor and felt like it didn't do any good, you've got to keep looking until you find someone you really "click" with.  I know this from experience, and there are many who now specialize or at least are very good at counseling disordered eating.  Please agree to do this.

Something like this is often a barometer for how other aspects of your life are going.  It's impossible to separate out an eating disorder from everything else.  How are your relationships going with your loved ones?  Co-workers?  How is your life right now?  Stressful?  Out of control?  Are you gaining control in your life by controlling your food and activity?  Often there is a component of abuse or self-esteem.  It's important to find and talk to the right therapist to answer some of these questions as well.  So, it is very important to find a counselor.

Second, as an athlete, you need to feed the machine!  The activities you are doing require the right fuel.  Hopefully, through working with a counselor and perhaps a nutritionist, you will be able to see food as functional to performing your exercise and not as an enemy.  You say you want to be an athlete again, but as an athlete (especially a runner and swimmer) food is what will take you where you want to go.

Our bodies were built to enjoy the exhilaration of exercise, and you mentioned that you love how your body feels when you run...food in integral to being able to run and feel that way.  

As an athlete, when you train hard, it may suppress your appetite so I understand that you may not feel like eating, but it's also a sign of over training.  Athletes who compete are NEVER at their peak 12 months out of the year.  Their body weight will fluctuate with their training.  For some, there may be times when they are on the brink of being too thin, but it's not something they maintain all the time, and when the competition is over, their bodies have to recover, which also means eating the right amount of calories to fuel the repair and recovery that is taking place in their body.

All of us love the way we feel when we are at our peak...we've never ran faster, ridden further, or swam better, and we love how it feels to be super fit.  But, when we put our training and fitness in the context of training, peaking, and recovering at different times of the year, it's easier to realize that we cannot feel like that or train like that month in and month out.  Athletes, especially those in sports with an emphasis on weight, do not hold the same weight all year long that they do for competition.  

People come to the sports medicine center where I work all the time looking for coaching, but the biggest problem that all of the coaches and myself see constantly is not the need for better drills or training, it is the need to rest and recover:  eat right, sleep right, take enough time off, etc.

Please see someone about this and in doing so, my hope is that you will start to see food as the fuel for you to become the best you that you can be and not as something to be avoided.  You can do it...you are worth it.  Follow-up and let me know how things go.