Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 10/22/2009

Question
HI,

Im a recovering anorexic. Ive been doing well over the past two years and have maintained my goal weight for two years now. I was actually a couple of kgs over my goal weight. Although I enjoyed the improved health and especially strength I just couldnt get over the fact that Id outgrown ALL OF MY CLOTHES and I hated the fact that they no longer fit me. A year ago I was doing a lot of weight training and I really enjoyed the muscle I gained and that I started looking really healthy and lost that "too lean almost anorexic" look. I also loved the fact that NO ONE any longer commented on my weight. Recently Ive lost a couple of kgs due to a stint in hospital (I took an overdose but survived) I also suffer from terrible bouts of depression that get suicidal. Im feeling that Im having a relapse or something. Its as if part of me wants to get back to the muscular look and the other part wants to go back to looking thin (I also started adult ballet six months ago and that could be part of the reason I feel torn between the two types of body images. I also still feel bloated immidiately after a meal and struggle psychologically with the fact that there is food in my stomach. How long and how does weight get redistributed after anorexia? I also find that my stomach is more poochy and not flat like befor the anorexia. Will my stomach ever return to normal? Today someone who knows my history commented that Ive lost weight and asked me why and if Im having a relapse. I got really angry inside but didnt let them know how I was feeling.

I obviously like the fact that Im fitting back into some of my "anorexic" clothes but how do I stop myself being torn between the muscular and thin long lean body image. Im also starting to fear the effects that food will have on my body again something with which I was coping  well over the past 2 years because of the weight training (which was exhausting to keep up though) Will I ever recover totally? and what are the best types of food to eat?

Answer
Dear Ann,

It sounds to be as if you're under quite a lot of stress -- combined with the severe depression.  I'm so sorry.  I'm not surprised that the anorexia is creeping back into your life!

It is vital that you find a good therapist and psychiatrist that can help you.  You also need a good nutritionist who can help you work out the perfect meal plan for you and your body!  it's natural that since you've been so depressed that you overdosed that your attention would start to focus again on you body and being thin.

A therapist, when you find someone you like, will help you to make all of the connections between the depression, suicidality, and anorexia!

Please let me know when you find someone you'd like to see!

Warmly,
Jeannie Rust, PhD
CEO/Founder
Mirasol
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com