AboutRyan Hale Expertise I can answer questions specifically geared towards athletes and their eating issues. I would be able to assist parents or coaches with questions or concerns about disordered eating practices often found in the exercise and sports settings.
Experience I have a bachelor's degree in sports medicine and a master's degree in sport psychology. I am not a liscensed counselor but I am pursing my counseling education currently. I have also worked with athletes at every level for the last 15 years, particularly elite high school athletes and females.
Education/Credentials bachelor's degree sports medicine
master's degree sport psychology
currently pursuing graduate degree in counseling psychology
Past/Present Clients U.S. national team level female athletes
High school athletes
Semi-pro soccer
Question Daughter in law has an eating disorder, was treated with another family member at a one week camp then never to discuss it again. It is very viable that is is a problem, its hard for a new mother in law to help. Any suggestion as to how to address. My son thinks he can help control by exercising with her.
Answer Susan- it doesn't surprise me that your daughter in law was treated with another family member... often these things tend to "run in families." The whole thing about never talking about it again is strange to me. In most cases of eating disorders, there is a contribution to the problem that comes from the person's family, friends/relationships, or traumatic experiences such as abuse. If one isn't allowed to talk about those things I'm not sure how one could get better or stay better. So, here are some things to think about and some suggestions:
1. Eating disorders are never just confined to that person, like I said before, the person who has it needs to deal with every aspect of their lives, not just the eating behavior. It's much like alcoholism, the entire family goes through it, the entire family is either contributing to it or effected by it and therefore, the whole family needs to work on relationship issues. Maybe the problems are with her parents, maybe there are things she could work on with your son and their relationship, I don't know the exact situation.
2. As the mother in law, just be as supportive as possible. Even good suggestions that are well intentioned can be heard the wrong way by your son's wife. So, listening with no intention of "fixing" and realizing that it is a very complex problem. If she had a brain tumor, you wouldn't tell her to just get it together and snap out of it.
3. She has a problem that is often caused by abuse earlier in life, a difficult dynamic within her family, outside pressure from other things, depression, anxiety, depression and anxiety together... there are many things that can then cause someone with the right brain and genetics to use eating behaviors as the fix. Believe it or not, she is attempting to change the way she feels (anxiety, depression, stress, feelings about past abuse, etc) by replacing it with the pains and feelings of starving herself. Of course, I'm not saying that there are all of those aspects going on in her life, but those are commonly reported. Also, look around and try to get an understanding of how much other have control in her life. Was her mother very controlling? Her father? Were they perfectionistic? What about her relationship with your son or even you? Are there unreasonably high expectations? Of course the person with the high expectations doesn't think they are being unreasonable, but give an honest assessment of what everyone is like in her family.
4. This mental health issue has the highest level of mortality. More people die who have eating disorders than die who suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, or other illness. it is serious and needs attention.
5. If there is a chance she was abused (especially sexually either by rape or molestation when she was younger) this problem will never be corrected until she receives counseling and is able to understand and deal with those things in her past.
Hopefully I managed to shed some light on the problem. It's great you are seeing what you can do to help. Good luck.
