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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Eating Disorders > Anorexia/Eating Disorders > male anorexia
Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 10/27/2009
Question
My husband wakes each morning and never eats breakfast, only coffee and maybe he picks a few bites off of the kids leftovers. If I were to make him breakfast he would either leave it on the plate or make excuses or distractions not to eat it or he would pack it up in a zip lock and say he will eat it at work. When we go out to dinner or lunch with the kids he 8 times out of 10 will not even order any food and the kids are older and eat everything now. Even on vacation. He prefers to eat tiny little bites of nuts from a drawer or little bits of leftovers. I send food with him every day to work and he tells me he is eating it yet the tupperwares do not return for long periods of time and I don't think he is eating lunch or is eating very little. He does come home starving and will eat a meal at 10pm after work and after his workout. He can burn over 1000 calories in less than a hour and weight trains 3 times a week as well. He works lots of overtime and I worry that he is doing it to stay thin and avoid food. He was very heavy as a child and always says how fat he is every single day many times a day. He is 5ft 11 and weighs 165, all muscle. His size 32" waist pants are falling off him. Does taking in less calories than you burn everyday have any significant health risks or am I just paranoid? I am worried about him. And going without food all morning makes him quiet and grumpy, when he eats he is alot more fun. Can you recommend ways I can help with out being annoying? I don't know if I am over reacting but I also don't want to be in denial if he does have a problem. I do go to the gym with him and share burritos, sandwiches, and meals with him and my 21 year old daughter thinks I am enabling him.
Answer
Hello!
It sounds to me as if your husband has a definite problem. Your daughter is right -- you are enabling him by doing what you're doing. Sometimes it can be necessary to some kind of intervention --
I think if you found a therapist in town who specializes in treating eating disorders and met with her/him, they would be able to give you a lot of help -- and perhaps help with an intervention. Chances are your husband will not stop on his own -- or with your constantly "enabling" or encouraging him to eat. See if you can go for a couple of weeks without mentioning it and see what happens. Go about your own business --
In some ways, what he's doing is very controlling -- he keeps the attention of the family focused on him and whether he eats anything or not!
Very interesting dynamic -- not simple -- this is the reason you need to see the eating disorder therapist.
Let me know what happens if you're able to go for a couple of weeks without mentioning anything!
Warmly,
Jeannie Rust, PhD
CEO/Founder
Mirasol Treatment Centers
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com
888-520-1700
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