AboutJeanne Rust, PhD Expertise I can answer any questions in the field of eating disorders
Experience I have 20 years of experience in treating eating disorders of all kinds. I also do consultations for people who are starting treatment centers.
Education/Credentials Northwestern University -- BA
Masters in Counseling
Doctorate in Clinical Psychology -- Saybrook institute
Question I'm 25. For many years I was bulimic. I have been recovered for about 6 years. But this is the current issue. Something that's not bulimic but potentially not healthy either.
I lost some weight relatively unintentionally. It made me ecstatic. At 5'4 I was over 130lbs and never left the house without over-sized layers because I was ashamed of how large I had gotten. Suddenly at a doctors appointment, as I don't own a scale, I had lost to 122lbs over a few months. I felt less disgusting and wanted to loose more. Still nothing drastic as far as diet. 1,700 calories a day. And dropped to 116. I still felt rather huge though and was elated that I was loosing weight. I cut my calories to 1,300 and got down to 112. Then I cut my calories to 1,000 or less and got to 109. Then after years of not doing so I binged, for 3 days in a row, and gained 4lbs. Now I am back to 113. I have not restricted again, yet... as my main goal now is to not binge again so I don't gain anymore. Once I regain my control and resolve I plan to restrict back down to no more than 1,000 calories a day. I would be thrilled to be 105 and would stop if I were ever able to make it to 100lbs... which I am not sure if I could.
So I wonder is this a problem of becoming one? I don't over exercise and I haven't reduced my calories severely. The lowest has been 900 to 1,000. I eat relatively normally... I guess. And now thanks to binging, which I did not purge, am not even underweight. The weight loss is not super fast but I do hope to have a weight that is logically underweight for me because I feel gigantic all the time and can not stand the idea of weighing over 110 anymore at the very most. Which is why I am thoroughly disgusted with myself for binging and for being more than 110 again now.
Answer Dear Brenna,
I'm so glad that you wrote!
I have seen what you're experiencing many many times. You are literally switching eating disorders -- going from bulimia to anorexia -- and the thinner you get the better you feel. You feel lighter, thinner, and you really like it when people tell you how good you're looking!
Eating only 1000 calories a day for someone who is your height is not normal eating. It's very restrictive -- and because of your previous history. The dangerous thing that happens is that as you lose weight, you still will feel gigantic -- I've seen girls who are 65 pounds and feel huge. It's a never ending story.
What you can do right now is to get into some kind of recovery before you get worse! Get a therapist and a good nutritionist who can help you get to the place where you can maintain a healthy weight, still be thin, and not have to use an eating disorder to do it!
