Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 12/1/2009

Question
Thank you so much for making yourself available to answer questions!  It is so wonderful to know that as uncomfortable and exhausting a journey as recovery is, there are people there to support and encourage you.  I have spent the last two years in treatment for anorexia and have struggled with eating all my life.  As a teenager, I developed a weight problem and quickly tried every diet.  I was diagnosed with PCOS when, after years of trying, I could not lose weight.  Once I started taking Metformin the weight loss was easier.  I kept on dieting until pretty soon I was eating 500-700 calories most days.   Treatment has been slow and difficult and over the summer I was finally able to maintain a caloric intake of about 800-1000 calories a day.  I have gained close to 30 pounds since then (from 140 to 167 at 5' 9").  I eat about 1000 to 1200 calories a day (1500 on more indulgent ones.)  I take a vinyasa yoga class 6 times a week and make additional trips to the gym whatever days I can (spend about an hour on the elliptical).  I feel very uncomfortable in my skin.  Weight gain is difficult for me and brings up so much emotion along with memories of being overweight as a child and the ridicule that accompanied being chubby.  I know I am only slightly overweight right now and while i feel awful and uncomfortable in my body, I can appreciate the ways i which my life has improved with a higher calorie intake.  I have more time for life.  I am more open to people and the world.  I can go out to dinner.  I can have a glass of wine with friends without freaking out about the calories.   I can think about things other than food.  But I am still alarmed by and ashamed of the way my body looks and is changing.  Is this normal?  Is something wrong?  Should I change any behaviors?  

Answer
Dear Sarah,

First of all, a visit to a good nutritionist would be wonderful for you.  it feels to me like your metabolism is still in starvation mode from the anorexia and dieting!  I still don't think you're eating enough calories daily, given your exercise level, etc., to have your metabolism revved up.  This is why I suggest a nutritionist.  

I also want to tell you that body image is one of the last things to heal when a person heals from an eating disorder.  There are some terrific body image books that you can use for exercises at www.amazon.com.  There is quite a difference when a person begins to look at herself at any weight and can say, Hmmm, a few more pounds than I'd like, but I'm looking good!  I am good!

So much of a self-esteem thing that comes literally from our inner cores.  Please let me know how you do.  You sound healthy!

Warmly,
Jeannie Rust, PhD
CEO/Founder
Mirasol Recovery Centers
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com
888-520-1700