Expert: Joanne - 2/9/2009

Question
I am feel like crying because I was away from my parents for a while and then when they came home my mom was screaming at me and it was over something I honestly didn't do. I would admit if I did. Yeah, my life is probably good but I am just so stressed, my mom and I are always arguing. I guess I am just the fualt of everything in life. I am not good enough for anyone. not even myself. =/ The guidance at my school knows about my eating problems and no the montoring it. It just happened a few minutes ago (thorwing up) two times. I ate 2 bannanas and an apple and a few chips then out the came. I really just am so unsure of ym self. =/ I feel like throw up cuz i want control over my self and I SI cuz i am huring so much inside. Guiance at my shcool is aware of Si and Ed. =[/ I dont know what to do. I am just loosing my mind.

Answer
Lea

I used to fight A LOT with my parents.  It is very upsetting when it happens, but hopefully, like me, this is just a phase and in the future you will get on much better with your mum.  Can you talk openly to your parents?  Maybe you need to sit them down and let them know how much your present relationship with your mother is upsetting you, and try to look at ways that you can rebuild it.

Don't say that you are not good enough, that is just not true!  But you need to learn to accept yourself and stop looking at any flaws or failures, but look at the things that you have achieved and do well, look into the future at goals that you plan to accomplish!

I understand the trying to gain control via your eating habits, goodness, that is exactly what I did!  So many people with eating disorders discover that they have developed the habits they have as a means of trying to gain control, it becoming a coping mechanism for what is possibly quite a chaotic life, and one that is usually quite heavily dictated at an early age through parents, school, your peers.

I think that you need to make an urgent appointment with your guidance people at school tomorrow if you haven't done so already, and really tell them how much you want to stop all this and really gain control over your life.  As much as an eating disorder may seem to give you control, eventually it takes control over you!

Talk to your mum about all of this if you can, possibly even visit your doctor as well as guidance at school.  Find out if guidance can offer you full support to help beat both these problems (you will probably find that they are all wrapped up together and treating one well will help you beat the other too!), if you can't get this support at school, then it is worth asking to be referred to professionals that can provide you with the specialist input that you may need!

Please keep in touch if you think that will help, and come back if you have absolutely anything else you would like to ask!

All the best
Joanne