Expert: Joanne - 2/21/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hey Joanne, I have never been able to talk open with my parents, not once in
my life. If I were to tell my mom that she is upsetting me in any way she will
get mad. My dad left me one time cuz he was so mad at me about that and
my mom would not talk to me for a while. i didn't even aproach her in a rude
way at all.
I haven't talked to my counselor in a while. I will be speeking with her
tomorrow. I have been feeling really depressed and I am really bubbly person.
Its about my family and the whole food situtaion. I am lossing opions. I am
hurting and the throwing up fo rosme odd reasons makes me feel better.
Counseling ou side of school wont work, my mom wont agree to it. it cuts
into her time. What do I do? Next yr i go to highschool and my counselor
wont b there and she is the first person i can tell people all my secrets. The
food sittaion isnt to good. Idk what to do.

ANSWER: Lea

I think that you really need to think about talking to someone maybe outside your family that you feel can help if you don't see your parents as an option.  Would it be easier to possibly see a doctor about all of this?  Maybe to speak to a doctor and then maybe have them talk to your parents?  Could you ask your counsellor at school to talk to your parents?

I think that you need to talk to your counsellor more often about everything and hopefully she will be able to help.  She may be able to begin working towards your transition into high school, be it working with you intensively now to try and deal with this now, or possibly so that she can be in contact with a counsellor at your new school so that when you start there, there is someone already aware of what is going on and in a position to help you.

It may be worth researching what eating disorder facilities are available in your area.  This should be easy enough online.  They may be able to provide you with a number for a support helpline or something so that you can work out what is the best thing for you to do in the area in which you live.

I still think it is worth speaking to a doctor and possibly having them refer you for counselling.  If you need it in order to make sure you don't become extremely poorly, then your parents need to do this, whether or not it 'cuts into their time'.  You maybe able to find a counsellor or therapist close to where you live which would mean that your parents don't need to take you there all the time.  You may be able to get a bus or even walk there.  Your parents don't need to be at your counselling sessions themselves, and I definitely do believe that this is the best way forward.

Joanne

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: It's funny. When you mentioned counselor talking to my gaudrians. Well, next
Tuesday (not 100% )yet. She is planning to have my mom in because of my
eating problems, cutting, and because things between me and my mom has
been BAD!. lol. i was called to guidance almost every day this week because
of me being "depressed" and because of my mom situtaion. Ugh. my life is
falling apart. I am scared to bring up the word docter to my mom. All she will
say to me is "your fine". Sometimes yes, sometimes not at all.

Stress is getting to high for me.

Answer
Lea

I am glad that your counsellor is going to try and get your mum in for a meeting.  This should hopefully be the first step in getting you some really good, professional help for both your eating problems and your self harm.

Have you spoken to your counsellor about how you think your mum will respond and that you don't think she will be willing to get you the help you need?  If so, hopefully your counsellor will already be working out a way to get the message across for you.  

If your mum is unwilling to get you the help you need, hopefully your counsellor may be able to help set something up.  I used to have a woman from a local eating disorder service come and meet me in school once a week so that I didn't have to try and go to them as I was too scared to tell my parents.  My counsellor organised this instead.  This, however, is dependent upon what the services or even private practices round about you are willing to do, as some may be very adamant that you have to go to them, but it is worth investigating if there is no other solution.

Just try and remember that hopefully this meeting will go the right way since someone else who is professionally involved in your care is telling your mum what you need rather than you having to try yourself!

Be strong, and make sure that she knows just how much this is affecting you and how much you want to change that!

Joanne