Expert: Joanne - 2/10/2009

Question
Hi, I am 12 years old and I am afraid that I might have an eating disorder. I am apparently underweight for my age and have a low BMI of 18.5. I look in the mirror and see a normal child, but I am told that you can see a lot of bones clearly through my skin. I have a huge thing against eating. Not many people know about it, just a few close friends and an old teacher that I trust completley. I do eat, but as I am a child, I don't really have much choice. I try to get away with as little as possible, and often make excuses like, I don't feel well, or I'm not hungry. But as you can probably imagine, my mum seldom buys it. I count the calories and fat in nearly everything and I rarely think of anything else. I weigh my self about 4 times an hour everytime I am in the house and panic if I gain any weight. A lot of people have been telling me I need to eat more, including my parents. I am also being called anorexic at my school by other pupils in my class.
:( I used to enjoy food, I would eat cakes and sweets and chocolate and crisps, but now, food tastes like leather and I really do not enjoy it, as much as I want to! I took many tests on the internet, to see if I had the symptoms of an eating disorder. On all of them it says it is likely that I do. I am honestly scared. Earlier today I talked to my old teacher, who is also my role model and idol. She says I need to tell my mum and also to get help by seeing a doctor. I know she is right, but I am so worried and scared about telling my mum. I know that everyone is going to tell me that she cares and wants to do what is best for me, and I know that, but I really want to avoid telling her even though I know I must.
   I want to be a normal, happy child again. I don't want to be scared anymore. Please help me.
     Thankyou, love Kerry xxx :(

Answer
Kerry

Your teacher sounds wise, as you do yourself!  Realistically, to get the best support, and even best treatment, your parents really need to be in on this and be a part of it.  Many people believe that in order to treat an eating disorder, you need to treat the whole family and not just the person that is physcially suffering!

I think you know that you may have an eating disorder, but to get this diagnosed so that you can receive the appropriate treatment, you need to see your doctor, again, this will be easier done, especially since you are only 12, with a parent present.

I think you need to find a time when it is just you and your mum and a time when she is not busy or stressed, etc.  You need to make sure that you have her full attention and make sure that she isn't already worried about something else.  I'd be surprised if your mum isn't aware that something is going on, seeing as she is telling you to eat more and not buying your excuses, but she may not realise just how serious this is becoming!

You need to just be open and honest with her.  Tell her that you want help and need her support.  Ask her to be part of this and take some of the responsibility off of your shoulders.  

Eating disorders can cause so many health problems, and can also cause death!  As many as 1 in 10 or even 1 in 5 sufferers of an eating disorder will die as a result!  The sooner you confide in your parents the better!  

Your mum would want to know that this is going on!  Parents don't like it when they are kept out of such a serious and potentially damaging part of their child's life.  All they want is for a healthy and happy child, so I have little doubt that your mum won't be there to give you her full support and help you through this - but in order to do that, she needs to know, and she needs to know everything!

If you are scared about telling her, why not talk to your teacher again and ask if she would be there when you tell your mum.  She could perhaps set up an appointment with you both there so that you have her support as well!



Joanne