Expert: Nafeesah - 2/26/2009

Question
my names ellie im 14 and live in england..right well i dont really knwo where to start,but about a year ago i was a size 18 and weighed around 13st or more and i was only 12-13 and i had to be bridesmade at my aunties wedding in november last year and i went for a fitting and the women who measures the dress said that it wasnt normal for my stomache to be further out then my breast that was a triggor for me and also i was bullied from a young age because of my weight and even my family would make remarks about it. so i decided i would loose weight and prove to them that i cant do it so it started with eating healthely but still feeling guilty about what i ate then it went to measuring 25g of museli to satisfy me at schoola nd to stop hunger noises and then i would cook dinner for my brothers and nibble at bts of the food but not have a meal and then sometimes i would have a small bowel of pasta or nothign and if i couldnt sleep have half a can of tomatoe soup then the 25g slowly went lower and lower until i wasnt eating anything the longest period of nnot eating was probably around 5 days but if i did eat i would eat very little so i gradually lost 3st now im a size 12 and weigh 10st 6 on a bad week but im hoping to get down to around 8st but just latly i have been not controlling eating so i have been purging alot after everything i eat so say i ate some toast i would leave it about half an hour because its easier to purge i feel and then i was make myslef sick to two full lengths of songs wich is around 6-8 mins or i would make sure i perge at least ten times but if not a lot come up i would count as half but i just feel i have no control ove rit anymore i cant help but eat also cant help but make myself sick afterwoods my mum caught me and knwos thta i dont eat alot but she hasnt done nothign and i went to the doctors about it because i was feeling faint and all they said was that i didnt look underweight so that said that i was fata nd everytimne i lok int he mirror i see fat if i have eaten i wont go out i dont eat infront of anyone unless im forced i hate the topiuc of food liek if im in class and a teacher asks what we ate yesturday i get extremly embaressed and htink if htey know ive eaten then that meens im fat and i hate it i want to be thin thats all i want int he whole world is to be able to wear anythign and not look fat but i cant i dont think i will be happy until im size 8 and weight 8st at the moment im eating and perging but from tomorrow i plan to not eat and drink instead i tend to fill up on tea water hot chocolate without milk or sugar and haveing a slim soup if things get really bad but i allow myself if i cave to just eat a few rice cakes with soup or somthing small i have also abused laxatives taking at least 7-10 tablets and drinkign lots of the laxative drinks and i have taken caffine pills ive tried to kill myself 4 times 3 from september last year purely because im fat i ahte my life i have no self confidence my dad doesnt care about me and i feel its the only control i have on my life i have GCSES soon and i know im going to fail becaus ei cant concentrate on anything my mind is always fixed on food and i weight myslef alot measure everything on my body i can and hate to get my body out infront of anyone which isnt helpfull to be so self concious and have sucha  low self estyem when your trying to get a boyfriend but i knwo that iw ont be able to get one until im slimm thansk i knwo i wrote alot but i cant speak to anyone else
Ellie-Jay
xxxx

Answer
At 14 you're going through puberty so you're going to gain some weight because that's your body maturing into a woman. Most teens go through this period of gaining weight and going through bodily changes. If you're suicidal I would seek appropriate counseling right away because this is not good if you're trying to take your life. Right now you need to seek out some help in your eating disorder and to get the treatment and counseling you need. Your situation concerns me and for someone who suffered an eating disorder it's time to get some help.