Expert: Nafeesah - 4/9/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi. Since I first turned 12 years old I've had problems with my self body image. For about a year a battled with anorexia but wasn't very successful and it turned into more of a binge disorder. Then, I decided that I wasn't going to keep going down that painful road anymore. But, since January I've been back to my ED and more dedicated then ever. This time I've resorted to bulimia more then anorexia. So, for about 2 1/2 months I've been skipping breakfast and lunch and throwing up dinner. By the way, I'm 14 years old, 5'3 and my weight has been shifting from 125 (starting weight) to 109 (lowest weight). I'm really starting to worry though. Mainly because I've been having heart palpations, fatigue,numbness,coldness and goosebumps, muscle spasms, bad headaches, bloodshot eyes, stomach pains, haven't gotten my period since January, and everytime I eat my stomach contacts and I have to throw-up. Its controling my life. My parents worry about my binges ( they dont know about the purging). And now my friends and I are getting into huge fights about me not eating my lunch. My best friends arent even talking to me anymore because they think I'm doing it because it makes them made, to prove a point, and to be stubborn. I want to stop this constant battle but I cant. I do but absolutely don't want to stop. I don't think I even can. I have no idea what to do. Please help.


ANSWER: When you get into the pattern of vomiting your body gets used to that. If you're having cardiac issues get to a doctor right away that's a sign of complications brought on by your vomiting. It's time to seek out treatment because when your friends are getting angry at you they don't know how to tell you that you need help and what you're doing is hurting you. They care about you just have a funny way of showing it. You need to really get into some counseling to resolve your issues with body image and eating disorders.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for the advice. I'm just not exactly sure how to talk to my parents about it. Their already angry at me and telling them about it would just make them more disappointed and mad. Also, I have a very controlling grandmother living with me, if she found out she would be all over me and my parents. She has a way of taking our problems and using them to drive a wedge in our family. How can I tell my parents and keep it from my grandmother?

Answer
Maybe you and your parents need to sit down just the 3 of you to talk about how you can deal with this. Having an eating disorder is not fun and having to talk to family about it can be hard. I would also talk to your doctor along with your parents so they can begin to deal with the situation because being mad doesnt help them get through the hard time. Ask your doctor to give you a referral to a specialist for eating disorders and find out if they do family therapy and just do it with you and your parents so they can begin to understand what is going on and work on not being angry with you. My relationship with my mom has improved when she found out my eating disorder was from having low self esteem and other stuff going on. Give that a try it should work and just do this with yourself and your parents so that it's a family thing because it sounds to me like grandma is set in her ways and would make more of the situation than it is and be more contributing to the problem and not the solution.