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Question
Hi, I am 43 and have an eating disorder - i don't think it is anorexia cos I eat too much and am not thin enough. I am 5"3 and weight 42kgs. I eat fruit, veg and a bit of protein each day but I also take laxatives and throw up if I eat more than I think is ok. I have a fantastic therapist but I am totally unmotivated to get well. I am terrified she is going to make me go into hospital or stop seeing me but I just can't get motivated to try anymore - this has gone on too long and I keep relapsing - what do I do? My therapist pulls me back from the brink of suicide so often but I am so scared she is going to give up on me cos I just don't want to try anymore. Please help me.
I'm glad you have a fantastic therapist. However, you can't depend on her to save you. I doubt she will abandon you but if you want reassurance you should bring it up in one of your sessions. Years ago, I asked my therapist that same question and it diminshed any fears around that.
I can't tell you what to do or give you an easy answer to this. You need to decide that you are worth it and your life is worth more then this eating disorder. You need to take control over this and that includes taking some risks and getting help and learning new behaviors that will go against your eating disorders "voice".
Don't let this eating disorder take away YOU. I want more for your life and I know deep down, you want more for your life than this.
It will get better. You just have to take a leap of faith, ask her to help you get treatment, and TRUST HER.
Good luck.
Melissa
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Answers by Expert:
Melissa
Expertise
I battled anorexia and bulimia for 6 years. I am not a doctor, but I learned a lot about the mental, emotional, and physical aspects of having an eating disorder and how scary it is to feel like you are alone in your illness. You are not alone. I can answer questions based on my experience with anything relating to anorexia and/or bulimia. I can provide information on treatment options, some specific treatment centers, resources that may help you find a treatment center, and my opinion on all of the above. I was a patient at a few outpatient and inpatient programs so I am happy to answer questions about those experiences. I am not affiliated with any of the resources I may provide. It’s strictly my opinion based on my experiences. I can NOT answer medical questions. I will NOT answer questions on how to become anorexic or bulimic or how to lose weight in an unhealthy matter.
Experience
I have recovered from a six year struggle with both anorexia and bulimia. I hope my experiences and the time I spent in and out of treatment will encourage others to never give up. I never thought I would or could recover because I couldn’t picture myself ever having a normal relationship with food. Since then, I have grown and learned that I can overcome what I once thought was impossible. Hold on to the idea that recovery is attainable!
Education/Credentials
I am attending college for an unrelated degree.
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