Expert: Nafeesah - 4/18/2009

Question
Dear Nafeesah,
For the past year and a half, I have had a lot of problems regarding
disordered eating. I have been purging, on-and-off, taking laxatives, diet
pills, and constantly exercising. I have never stopped counting calories and
restricting and I often binge and purge mainly by fasting...but other ways too
obviously. I bounce back from bulimia to anorexia and my weigh has ranged
from 100 to 120 pounds -- I am 5'1. At 100 lbs I could have been diagnosed
for anorexia, but seeing as nobody knows I simply am the girl who is a health
freak and diets all the time. My parents have sent me multiple times to
nutrionists and I lie about what I eat -- often saying I eat double what I do,
and they tell me that's not enough. I've attempted recovery by myself several
times only to fail. I go to a boarding school, and am a very competetitive
person. I cannot eat more than 200-300 calories per day during the week,
plus a good 3 hours of cardio total. On weekends though, my bulimic
tendencies shine through and I usually eat about 1500 calories mostly health
food binges but not always. I try and burn these with exercise and binging. I
have given up laxatives as they make me bloat. I currently weigh 110 and feel
completely, utterly disgusting and fat. Some days, I feel powerful and I adore
the weakness and numbness I get from not eating but on weekends I am a
wreck - I also tend to drink alcohol on weekends to numb the pain away.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't tell anybody -- my parents have
always been suspicious of my eating habits and have asked me several times
if I purge. I want to be at peace with myself and try and lose healthily, and
slowly but I am so scared of letting go...I feel there is nothing else for me in
life. My OCD has also taken a toll on me, and I often freak out about the
smallest, tiniest details. People think I am crazy, and so do I. I'm only ever
happy when I am starving, working out, drunk or high. Help me...I don't
know if I even have an eating disorder or not, but all I know is this isn't what
life is meant to be like.

Answer
This is something to discuss with an eating disorder specialist to deal with the eating disorder and the OCD because it's robbing you of having a healthy life and outlook. Plus you're adding on another habit which is alcohol addiction. The average person eats approximately 1200 a day and 200-300 is too little that's depriving your body of nutrients. I would talk to a counselor right away to figure out what you need to do to live a healthier life. There's a website for those who have eating disorders called Something-fishy.org and there are resources for those with eating disorders to get help.