Expert: Nafeesah - 5/6/2009

Question
hi,
i have always been the biggest out my friends who were and are all sticks. i am a uk size 12 and am 5ft5.5 i know im not big but i cant help but feel it.
i am also 15 and just want to feel pretty i really want to be a glamour model.
I recently tried dieting and it didnt really work and i stumbled across the pro ana sites and i feel conected to the girls in a weird weird way and it kinda scares me.
I now have many friends on facebook who are ana and we share stories and they are the only ones who understand me i really limit everything i eat well try, and now i eat roughly 500-1000 cals a day i am OBSESSED with counting calories ..i excercise quiet reguarly and trampoline everyday. ifeel really really fat and my ana friends are doing really well. i hate home and i try and not eat for as long as i can. i need to stop looking at the pro ana sites because they are really really not helping me but without them i have no comfort and no support i am truely unhappy and without my pro ana friends encouraging me i have no one who cares how i feel
sorry for the long story but i want to know how i pull away from these girls but still feel great and not feel i need them. thanks soo much xoxo
oh and have i got an eating disorder?

Answer
I am going to say this for the sake of your health and well being and that is to drop these friends who are on the internet discussing the benefits of being anorexic. It's not healthy and it's sick to be quite honest with you because a teenage body needs nutrients because you're still growing and developing. You want to be a model, but be a model who embraces a positive body image. Many girls are so obsessed with looking like stick figures they don't realize how it's a turn off to a lot of people including guys because it shows you as being unhealthy and having a body image problem. Your friends who advocate being anorexic are not going to care when you land in the hospital for complications from anorexia which can be serious and life threatening. You need to get it together because the last thing you need is to be laying up in a hospital somewhere fighting for your life all because you don't want to eat normally.

Anorexia opens doors for other dangerous eating disorders like bulimia and binge eating. I am saying this as someone who formerly suffered an eating disorder from the age of 12 until I was 26 years old that it's not worth putting your health on the line just so you can feel pretty. The problem is within yourself, but the only way to fix it is to start loving yourself for who you are big or small and to be healthy. I wish girls your age would stop looking at other females as perfect and to embrace the beauty god gives to you. If you want to lose weight do it through diet and exercise because girls and young women die everyday from complications from eating disorders.

Most of the models you see are too thin for their height and the industry is good at telling girls that being a size 6-9 is too fat. If you want to be a model be a model who advocates a healthy and positive body image and not advocating an unrealistic and unhealthy lifestyle. Hollywood does little to embrace a positive body image since it's about making money and keeping the industry going. A young girl like you needs to have someone tell you how beautiful you are and not listening to stupid people advise you of something that could potentially kill you. If I were you I would be selective in who I am friends with on Facebook because you're not going to get anywhere with people who are telling you and advising others to do something that's seriously dangerous to your health.

I would find better friends and start deleting people off your facebook page and start connecting with people who share a common goal of having a positive body image. Surround yourself with friends who have your best interest and won't advise you to do destructive things to yourself because it's normal and right. There's nothing normal and right about anorexia or any kind of eating disorder. What's normal is loving yourself for who you are and to embrace the true beauty within you and to surround yourself with people who are of different shapes and sizes and who love themselves. When you love yourself you will look at life and how you see yourself in a different light.

I had to do that and I started seeing a lot of positive things come to my life like a boyfriend and more friends. I only surround myself with real people who don't advocate a destructive lifestyle. Please take what I am saying seriously because you're falling into a pattern of behavior both physically and psychologically that can eventually destroy you. If you're exercising on a regular basis that's good because you're changing your body through other means than to do something that can hurt you in the long run. Keep up the exercise and proper dieting and you'll meet your goal sooner than you think.