About Melissa Expertise I battled anorexia and bulimia for 6 years. I am not a doctor, but I learned a lot about the mental, emotional, and physical aspects of having an eating disorder and how scary it is to feel like you are alone in your illness. You are not alone. I can answer questions based on my experience with anything relating to anorexia and/or bulimia.
I can provide information on treatment options, some specific treatment centers, resources that may help you find a treatment center, and my opinion on all of the above. I was a patient at a few outpatient and inpatient programs so I am happy to answer questions about those experiences. I am not affiliated with any of the resources I may provide. It’s strictly my opinion based on my experiences.
I can NOT answer medical questions.
I will NOT answer questions on how to become anorexic or bulimic or how to lose weight in an unhealthy matter.
Experience I have recovered from a six year struggle with both anorexia and bulimia. I hope my experiences and the time I spent in and out of treatment will encourage others to never give up. I never thought I would or could recover because I couldn’t picture myself ever having a normal relationship with food. Since then, I have grown and learned that I can overcome what I once thought was impossible. Hold on to the idea that recovery is attainable!
Education/Credentials I am attending college for an unrelated degree.
Question QUESTION: Hello Melissa, my name is Julianne and I am 15 years old and I'm scared.
For the past 2 years I have been overly self conscious about my body image. 3 years ago I started a work out program that promised fast results for a flat tummy, I did it for a few months and actually lost some weight. I just wanted to loose a little more and I started trying every workout plan that I was able to get my hands on. I have done online searches to find new and more efficient one that work best. I tried out for the school volleyball team and made it. I wasn't as skinny as some of the other girls on the team so I would work out a little harder and a little longer. The year after that I was on the track team. This is when I became obsessed with peoples flat stomachs. I was always looking at peoples stomachs to see how thin they were. Last year I went though a depression I guess all of my friends said that I did at least. During that time I had thoughts . . . ( I wont go in to detail as to spare you the liability to help me) that might concern most people and doctors. I think I am now out of that stage but have entered a new one.
I always wear big sweat shirts and t shirts because I feel so self concious in anything tight. But that's not all I've stopped eating. At first it was just breakfast, I told my self it was just because I didn't have time, but I also liked the fact that I didn't feel fat when I arrived to school. During my lacrosse season my team mates would comment about how little I ate but I just thought they were crazy.
I've now stopped eating lunch too. I wake up in the morning get dressed and go to the bus stop, and I attend lunch I just don't eat. Yea I'm a little hungry but its nothing I cant handle for 3 more hours until schools out. When I arrive home I find that I'm no longer hungry. But my mom will force me to eat something anyway. It makes me feel sick, like I want to go puke sick, when I eat a normal sized meal. I seem to be extremely mood also. I cant stand being around my family for too long, and I hate it when they ask questions about me not being hungry. My friends have also commented about my lack of eating but I just blow them off and say its nothing or him just not hungry.
I can now go 24 hours with out eating and be just fine. . as long as I have my coffee.
I am always extremely tired using every free second I have to sleep. Even if its only 5 minutes its still better than nothing. And always being tired makes it hard to keep up my grades. Last year they used to be all A's but as time goes on I just don't seem to care as much and they have been slipping.
I have always looked at peoples and models stomachs to compare my to theirs saying that I will one day look like that. I looking in the mirror a lot, and look at my stomach alot always wishing I was skinner and always saying I have to find workout program that will make me skinner. I run all the time, it helps with my sports and lacrosse but I also hope that it helps to make my stomach look smaller. I have now taken on the challenge of being on the swim team, coaches recommendation. Swimmers are always skinny so I said why not? I enjoy working out, and they have two practices a day. Before the season our coach said that he wants us all to get in shape and if possible to have six packs in 3 months. I have been dieting for someone to tell me this it gave me the perfect excuse to go out and work out as hard as I can. I have just been given the p90x work out dvd and I really hope they work. But I wont tell any one that I'm doing this like always. I have always been very secretive about when I work out.
I am writing to you because I want to know if you think that I have an issue. I have never thought twice about what I did until the other day when my sister commented that it was odd she hadn't seen me eat all day and when I told her that I wasn't really hungry she said that any normal person wouldn't be able to go 36 hour with out eating and not be hungry.
I started looking up some web pages on eating disorders, and ya I have some of the symptoms like seeing stars not being hungry always looking in the mirror and measuring my waist, but none of them really fit me.
I'm also writing you because I cant go see a doctor, I just don't have the money to waste.
I'm really scared about what I could have done to my body... Its not like I've done anything extreme though because I'm not that skinny at all. If you could please give me your option that would put my mind at ease.
Thank you so much
Julianne
ANSWER: Julianne,
I can tell by your letter you are scared. I think you know that these behaviors aren't normal - no matter how much you try to avoid that realization by convincing yourself that it's not intentional.
Grades slipping is a common symptom of an eating disorder. When you are actively in an eating disorder, all your time and all your energy is devoted to eating or not eating and obsessing about your weight. Obsessively comparing your weight and appearance to others, focusing on a certain body part, distorted perception of the body, hiding how much you work out or how little you are eating are all warning signs of an eating disorder. You have more then some of the symptoms and you said yourself you have them.. so how do they not fit you?
Seeing a doctor is not a waste at this point. It's vital to save your life. If you don't have insurance, there are still treatment options and help available out there for you - you just have to want it and want to get better. I urge you to seek help before you lose everything in your life - sports, friends, good grades, and your health - to your eating disorder.
This is your life and you need to take responsibility for your health. I don't know what's going on in your life that is behind all these behaviors but you deserve and need help.
You are only as sick as your secrets. I can tell you are very smart and mature. Don't second guess your intuition when you wonder if what you're doing is not "normal". You know it's not, deep down.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Best of luck to you, Julianne. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help from here.
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QUESTION: You are right about one thing. My family does not have insurance and my dad doesn't have a job any more, and I wouldn't want to burden my parents with something like this when they wouldn't even care.
I have tried to talk to my mother and others about whats going on, and some issues that I'm having. Most of them didn't care in the least and said that I just need to grow up. They also turned it in to a joke and would tease me about it and I felt I had no one I could even confide in because none of them even knew me any more.
I have a large family issue that puts a lot of stress on me for various reason and it really is dividing up my family. I cant talk to one family member with out the other one getting mad and visa versa. But because of past experiences with trying to get help from family friends and teachers and it failing I don't think that talking to them now would be of any help at all and I don't know who to turn to.
I'm not the type of girl any one would expect to be depressed- and I think I may be- have family issues or have eating issues. And I'm sure they would just chalk it up to me wanting attention. And this is part of the reason i don't think the symptoms fit me. What if I'm just trying to make them seem like they fit me? and they really don't?
As a last resort with my family matters I turned to a guy I knew, to help me out, so I didn't do anything stupid that i would regret, though I had thought about so many times. I have to admit he got me to a much healthier mental state, but I just don't think I would ever be able to go to him about this.
That's why I came to you, is because I was hoping you could give me some suggestions to help me get my life back on track with out having to go see some one who with get my parents involved. And create more family drama. If you think that there really is nothing wrong and I am just being over dramatic please tell me. I don't want to waste anyone time, and especially not yours, in witch you have so graciously given.
Thank you for all of your help I honestly cant believe some one who I have never met could actually care about me.
Thank You.
Answer First of all, you're not being over dramatic. Feeling like your family doesn't have your back can be a very scary, isolating feeling.
Also, I think a misconception about an eating disorder is if you're doing it for attention or are practicing the behaviors on purpose, then it's not a "real" eating disorder. That's not true. One of the risk factors in developing an eating disorder IS the need for attention. It does not devalue the extreme measures a person chooses to take for attention - It only emphasizes this person is in major trouble.
I know you didn't say you were doing it for attention, but I just wanted to clear that up.
It sounds to me like your parents don't listen to you and don't take your problems seriously so I can see why you may have chosen to take drastic measures in order to show them something is wrong.
Let me give you an example:
My mom is very sick with untreated paranoid schizophrenic. My dad refused to acknowledge the problem and acknowledge how it was affecting me. So my reaction to that was "How much weight will I have to lose before my dad says something about it to me?". I wanted to something he could not avoid in order to show him how much I was hurtng. Do you follow?
It sounds like you need support outside of your family. I would suggest seeing a school psychologist about it. Ideally, it would be best to get you hooked up with a therapist but I understand that can be difficult without insurance. A school psychologist will be strictly confidential - meaning, he can't tell your parents anything you say unless you are an immediate danger to yourself (suicidal) or a danger to others (homicidal).
You have to work with the hand your dealt. I did not get the parents I wanted. Sure, I feel like I got screwed over since I didn't get the parenting I needed growing up. But even with that being said, the only person left to parent me is myself. I urge you to take responsibility for your life and remember that you are valuable and deserve a peaceful, happy life. You need to stop punishing yourself when others hurt you. It's only hurting yourself.
And remember, "The greatest revenge is success."
Best of luck to you,
Melissa
