Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 8/3/2009

Question
Hi there,

over a year ago I was diagnosed with annorexia nervosa and was referred to hospital where i recovered over the period of 2 months. When I got out I have still had troubles every now and then but yet I have remained to have a healthy eating plan of which is a vegan diet. These troubles that I am talking of is a massive fear of eating infront of others, especially my boyfriend. He knows of my history with an eating disorder and worries because he has never seen me eat, in the whole year that we've been together. Not because I dont eat, but because I'm so embarrassed and have a fear of eating infront of other people. Ive tried over and over to figure out what this fear involves, but I just can't do it. It was yesterday that my boyfriend saw me and said he cant deal with not being able to take me out for dinner or having to excuse me from dinners with family and friends all the time. Hes given me the ultimatum of saving our relationship by taking me out for dinner on thursday or else he can't deal with our relationship anymore. He says he's so concerned and worried as to why he's never seen me eat. I have explained my phobia, but he thinks it's just my way of "pretending" that i do eat. I really do want to go out for dinner with him, but Im a nervous reck just thinking about it! also we're going on a weeks holiday with 9 other friends of ours and im so nervous about eating in a big group together around a table!! please help me, any advice will do!! I really would appreciate any advice as to stay calm and not panick!!

It would mean the world to me hearing back from you.

Yours faithfully,

Crystal

Answer
Dear Crystal,

I'm so glad that you wrote me -- and I"m so sorry to hear that you're struggling so much.  Eating disorders are progressive and keep on getting worse.  They eventually will literally take our lives away --   not only in death, but in living as well -- I can tell that you're becoming more and more isolated -- and will be even more so if you lose your boyfriend.  

I don't believe that you're recovered from the eating disorder -- I don't know your height and weight but I imagine you weigh just enough to keep you our of hospital!

Have you seen a therapist? If not, you need to asap -- See her/him at least twice a week, and work with a nutritionist.  Last thing is to keep in touch and let me know how you do!  

Eating disorders are such complex conditions -- they are not at all about weight as much as they are about all of the underlying issues -- these are the real reasons you use eating disordered behaviors as a way of coping with the fear in your life!

Let's see about getting you some help!

Warmly,
Jeannie Rust, PhD
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com