Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 8/7/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi Jeannie
It's Steph again. I'd first contacted you on July 16th because i was scared to drink water, and you encouraged me to seek treatment. I've since lost 8 pounds (3 weeks, 8 pounds, not too bad) but it's been through taking lots of diet pills and fasting, pretty much except for the odd day when i have to eat to appease my parents.

Here's my question. Will treatment work even if i'm not ready for it? I'm just so tired all the time, and the thought of doing anything but sleeping all day is just impossible. I'm 5'9 almost, just a few cm short of 5'9 and i weigh 103 pounds. I shouldn't be feeling like this yet, i have a friend who's 5'8 and weighs 67lbs. She has a right to feel like that.

Thank you very much.

ANSWER: Dear Steph,  

You are just as much at risk as your friend is!  I would like to see you get into treatment before you lose any more weight.  If you get lower in weight, you'll need to be in a hospital with a tube rather than being able to go to a nice place -- like Mirasol.  A place where you can be nurtured and helped as you begin to take the baby steps you need to get well.  You know that you can't go on living the way  you are.  It's no life!

Anorexia nervosa is a deadly condition -- I'm not trying to scare you but I want you to wake up and realize that what you're doing has gone beyond just wanting to me slim, but you're in danger now, my dear.

Let me know how I can help you.  Do your parents know that you're struggling??

Warmly,
Jeannie
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you so much for your reply Jeannie. I guess you could be right, but my head isn't accepting that you are. I mean.. she and i cant even be compared, because according to my friends i still look like im at normal weight.

My parents dont really know that i'm struggling. They dont know that im not eating, and that its only gotten worse since i had to "de-register" from my courses this summer because i was too tired to do them. They dont know any of it. My mom is on my case though because she says my face has become really tiny and my eyes look like theyre popping out of my face, all black and dark, and huge. I think thats mostly because of the dehydration.. i still cant drink a lot of water.

I dont know how anyone can help, Jeannie. Maybe i'm not help-able. Everyone has tried so much. School counsellors, the EDC i was part of in the first place, lots of people... No one can help me unless i help myself, and im just so damn tired, i cant do it. I dont really care if i die, even, but the one person who has always had my best interests at heart would. He's my mentor and he'd be crushed if anything happened to me, i know he would, he's said so himself. I just... am too tired to do anything.

Thank you so much.

ANSWER: Steph, dear -- having to drop out of school is a real consequence.  Can you remember what it was like to have a life?  Can you remember what it was like to run on a beautiful summer day with the wind blowing in your hair?

It's not time to die.  Would you be willing to see your doctor for a check-up and for something for your depression?  What you're doing is a slow-form of suicide....

Sometimes you need someone that you can trust to care about you, someone you can lean on to help you begin.  You can do this, Steph!  I know you can -- maybe you can't do it by yourself or for yourself right now -- maybe your mentor who cares about you so much would help you get to treatment --

warmly,
Jeannie
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I'm not depressed. I'm just.. sad.

I know - my mentor calls it a slow suicide too.

My mentor has been trying to get me into treatment for the past 2 years. When i first entered first year (i'm supposed to be going into third year).. he started working with me to try and get me into treatment. After an entire year, just as i was finishing up the first semester of second year, i decided to finally go into treatment. Then i got kicked out - and was let back in after a month. I turned it down. Since then, (April) he's been trying to get me back into treatment. Seriously. I just can't do it.

Answer
It sounds to be as if your severely depressed, Steph, because you can't do anything!  I read a research article the other day that talked about studies they've done in Germany.  The researchers examined the brains of anorexics using an MRI and found that it was much more difficult for anorexics to be flexible and to learn new behaviors -- you're a perfect example of this.

Where do you live?  Where did you go to treatment before?  I'm not so ready to give up on you!!

Warmly,
Jeannie