Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 8/4/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi,
I am a 16 year old female and I have anorexia. I started my disordered eating when I was 12. It seemed so innocent. My dad used to hit me and I became very upset, my brother also used to call me fat. I was 13 and 96 pounds and 5'2". I hated my body and dieted to 79 pounds. My mom never noticed until I was in a bathing suit. I had to gain the wait all back. I am now 5'3" and 100 pounds. I see a huge fat person in the mirror. Mentally I know I am thin, but I don't see it. I see a counselor and psychiatrist, but I'm just not getting where I need to be. My mom is an over bearing person, she wants control of me, and my every move. I ran cross country, track,  and played soccer. My doctor made me quit- until my eating disorder is under "control." My counselor keeps telling me that maybe it's time to go inpatient, but I just don't want to do that. I know my parents can't afford it and would be furious with me if it came to that. What do I do? I am so scared about each day. I just want to be happy again. I would appreciate your advice greatly!!
Thanks so much!
Mheagan

ANSWER: Dear Mheagan,

I'm so glad that you wrote me!  You are really struggling right now!  How many times a week are you seeing your counselor -- at least twice a week, I hope.  If your counselor thinks you need to go inpatient, have her call your mother.  You wouldn't have to tell her yourself.  It's possible that your parent's insurance would cover treatment!

Your doctor is right about the sports -- he just wants your body to get well first -- then you can go back to doing the things you love.

Can you talk to your counselor about how you feel about your parents?  Do you trust her?  Is there any other adult in your life, either a relative -- a grandma or aunt, that you could talk to?  Or a school counselor?  I'm sorry that you're so alone with this.  I can really understand what a burden it is that you carry!

Keep in touch and we'll figure out what you need to do!

warmly,
Jeannie Rust, PhD
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I am seeing my counselor once a week. My mom is really frustrated with me and told me she wants nothing to do with me for right now. My family lost insurance recently and I don't know what to do. I am so lost. I know we are getting insurance back but my mom has already told me that she would be angry if it came to this. I have been secretly exercising and I feel so guilty. I want to get healthy but I need the endorfins.
What do I do? Thanks for responding so quickly!!


ANSWER: Dear Mheagan,

It sounds as if your mom is probably scared about your family's financial situation right now.  Remember this is not your responsibility!  Your responsibility is to be well.  Can you see your counselor twice a week?  Can you tell your counselor about the exercising?  

Eating disorders are stress related conditions and we use eating disorders as a way of coping with the stress.  This is exactly what you're doing!  There are problems in your family and you're doing these things to cope --

How do you feel about yoga or Tai Chi?  I think if you tried this at least 2-3 times a week that it could help tremendously.  Also if you could do some journaling -- jsut writing about what you're feeling about everything!  This could help as well -- and as I said let your counselor know!

Keep in touch and let me know if I can help!!  What is it you think you need??

Warmly,
Jeannie

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks so much for responding so quickly!! You are a huge help. I'm sure I could see my counselor twice a week if I need it. I have tried yoga before and hated it, but I guess I could try it again. I'm scared about telling my counselor about the exercising, because I know she would tell my mom. She tells my mom more than I think she should. I don't want my mom even more upset with me. My mom won't talk to me right now. I don't know what I need. I feel incapable of making those decisions. Sometimes I think it's all in my head, and maybe it's not reality. Like maybe I can just turn this all off. If you were in my position what would you do? Also, my mom is 5'4" and 95 pounds, because she has a fast metabolism and has several auto immune diseases. This makes it so hard on me.... So, please just tell me what you think I should do??
Thanks so much again!!!

Answer
Dear Mheagan,

Here's what you need to do -- you need to see your counselor and tell her that you need some confidentiality, that you can't speak freely to her if she's going to tell your mom everything.  Be really clear and be really strong with her.  

Also tell her that if she can't give you some confidentiality that you're going to have to find another counselor that you can trust.  Tell her that you know you're a kid, but that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.  If she won't do that, then you'll need to find someone else, because you need help!  You're not in danger of hurting yourself or anyone else -- there is no reason why she can't work with you on a more trustworthy basis --

It's really hard when you don't have many rights as an adolescent, but there are counselors who treat kids your age and whom you can trust!!

What do you think?  Your mom is an anorexic weight for sure -- do you think she has an eating disorder?  It runs in families and is a genetic condition oftentimes.

Warmly,
Jeannie