Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 8/11/2009

Question
Hi
My name is Maddie and I'm 19yrs old. I'm quite ashamed to be writing this, i guess thats the reason that i cant go to my GP, but im finding it harder and harder to cope from day to day without knowing if i actually have an eating disorder, or whether im an attention seekin fraud, which is how i feel 90% of the time.
Im 5ft3 and weigh around 9st, although my weight fluctuates alot. I usually change between 8 and 9 st monthly.
Like many girls i have taken various online tests-most of which are likely unreliable, but all of which say i am  likely to have issues, the most recent questionnaire i filled in was the EAT-26, which i scored 31. That was the test that prompted me to write to you as not knowing what is going on is really starting to get me down.
I suppose in many ways i know that my eating habits are not entirely normal, but i dont thank that they are habits of a person with an eating disorder.
I do fast for 1 or 2 days at a time and sometimes longer. Sometimes i feel like i could eat without stopping and even if iam not hungry i will eat everything in the flat. Occasionally i make myself sick after eating and i often take laxatives. However when i am home with my parents i eat 3 meals and snacks without throwing up- usually just taking laxatives every week.
I feel like i am constantly arguing with what is right and wrong, whether i should or should not eat. I do want to lose weight, i would give anything to weigh less than 7st, but at the same time i will never get there because i eat making me a fraud.
Im lost, and i cant ask for help with an imaginary disorder.
I feel like a fraud because when i look at the diagnostic factors for a person with an eating disorder i cannot fit myself into any box. i am not anorexic or bulimic.
Although i hope you reply telling me to get over it and that i am fine and just trying to attention seek or that what i am feeling/doing is normal, in some ways i hope that you can tell me that i do have a disorder and put my mind to rest.
I hope that my question has made some form of sense
Thank you
Maddie x

Answer
Dear Maddie,

I am so glad that you wrote me!  It takes courage to be able to talk about all of this.

First of all you're at a healthy weight -- (healthy does not mean fat!!).  I would hate to see you get to 7 stone -- then we'd need to hospitalize you!

Your behaviors are certainly eating disordered and they're sporadic.

I'd love for you to track some things for me for a week -- we'll play detective, get information, and then we'll be able to determine what's the right action for you to take.

Make a list for me of how many times you throw up every week, how often and how many laxatives you take, how many days out of the week you restrict --

One thing I will tell you emphatically is that you're not an attention seeking fraud.  You're coming from a very authentic place within you, you're confused, and you're reaching out for help!  That is truly admirable, Maddie.

Let's see what we find out!  OK?

Warmly,
Jeannie Rust, PhD
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com