Expert: Samathlee Colon, CNA - 9/28/2009

Question
Hello, I need help with how to deal with an email I got from a friend.

"I just relaized last week that I've been doing this a ridiculous amount of time. I've always been really tiny, I'm 5'1 and just small, but I definitely matured fast than other girls and in 5 grade i had little tiny thought, but really nothing and then 6 grade I would try and restrict for just a little amount of time cause I could never last very long and then 7 grade I would restict for maybe 3 weeks at the most and lose weight and then binbge and gain it back and that was just like a cycle. and then at the end of 7 grade I started throwing up and freshman year was just the worst year ever because it got really bad. I have a lot of issues with my family A LOT. But I was in such a horrible place that I just wanted to get out, so I told my mom and stepdad. I wanted help, but I didn't think about actually having to stop. I went in an outpatient program and was in there for 9 months then graduated novmeber of my sophomore year but basically I lied my way to graduation. Like, I was deifnitely doing better, but by no means even close to any clear thinking. Then I started purging a lot again and I was pruging blood all the time and I was losing weight because I was on the swim team and purging and not eating and swimming 1 1/2 every day kinda takes a toll. so yeah, they put me in the hospital (even thought I didn't evem need to go) and then i went into inpatient and now I graduated again from my outpatient program. But that did not help."

Can you give me any idea about what I should say? Sorry for a long question!!

--Concerned friend.

Answer
I can see your concern, and it is good that you want to say just the right things. But since everyone is different its difficult to discern what this person needs in order to be encouraged to stop this cycle she is going through. First and foremost I recommend being available to this friend as you have been - whenever she needs to talk - or encouragment. Second I am not sure if you are able to spend any time with her- but if you are - positive quality time spent is key during this time. She might not need someone pointing the finger telling her what she is doing is bad - and she needs to stop - because I have a feeling she realizes this already. She has a problem - that now has turned into an addiction. The more she realizes her problem - the better. So by spending that quality time with her - she will see how a normal persons eating habits should be like and there physical activity as well. When you hang out with the wrong people - you begin to do the wrong things- and same goes with positive people. And thats what she needs. Lead by example as much as you can. And lastly encourage her ! Let her know that she can do this- and there is a way out - and that you will be there no matter what on what she needs. Ask her what helps- ask her what she needs in order for you to be more helpful for her. Keep tabs on her and hold her accountable - to see her progress come around. I hope this helps some. Thanks!