Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 9/12/2009

Question
I'm writing for a few reasons.  My friend/co-worker has bulimia and possibly a form of anorexia (if that's possible).  She has never told me that she has a problem but I'm sure she does. She works a few hours a day and eats more in that short amount of time than most people do in two days.  She also can't pull herself away from the food (she rarely does anything at work).  When she's finished, it's a mad dash to the bathroom and I have heard her throwing up in there on numerous occasions.  She's obsessed with cooking.  She talks about other peoples weight(not usually her own).  She has also had a bunch of root canals.  When I go to her house though, all I hear is her husband trying to get her to eat and I've never heard her purge there.  I'm wondering if she binges/purges at work and doesn't eat much at home. I don't even know that he knows about her problem.  She is teeny tiny (5 6" and maybe 95-100lbs).  A few weeks ago I found Hydroxycut in her bathroom while I was dogsitting.  I've never felt I should say anything until now.  She is killing herself.  My math tells me she's been this way for at least 10 years.  My question to you is should I confront her and let her know I'm aware of her problem and approach it in a caring, friendly way or should I go straight to her husband and let him know what I and other co-workers know.  I'm aware that avenue might cost me our friendship but I'm willing to take that risk if it will help.  She's been known to twist the truth with him so that's why I'm scared to talk to her first.  She will hide the diet pills and just get more secretive.  If he is partially clueless he may not want to believe me and then it will all have been for nothing!  She is the most hyper-sensitive person I've ever met and also suffers with depression.  I'm just so scared to screw it all up by making the wrong decision.  What on earth should I do??  Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Answer
Dear Meg,

Your friend is so lucky to have you! She definitely is anorexic and bulimic... no doubt.

It sounds like she's pretty ill so I think you should make a list of things that you know about eating disorders and what she has going on and speak with her husband.  Tell him that you're aware of the fact that she'll be furious with you, but that you know that she's very sick and needs help.  It does sound as if she restricts at home and then binges and purges at work!

There's also a possibility you and her husband will need to set up some kind of intervention -- talk to me before you do that to make sure we do it right!

Keep in touch and let me know what you decide to do.  Like I said, you're a terrific friend!!

Warmly,
Jeannie Rust, PhD
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com