Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 1/8/2010

Question
Hello. My name is Tiffany and I am currently sixteen years of age, weigh a total of ninety-six pounds, and my height is five feet four inches. Lately I can't help but think that I am fat. I mean people do tell me all the time that I'm a stick and in no way am I fat. But my mother and little sister always say that my butt is big or that I am getting fat. This started a few years ago and since then I can't help but constantly think of my weight whenever I eat things, I've been doing this since around age six so it has become habit. I can't help but feel guilty for eating a snack after school or some candy during the day when I do. I mean I'm not the most physically active person in the world, I only have gym twice a week in school and I don't normally do any sports due to academic work.

But any ways, these comments have stung at first, but they are slowly affecting me more and more. My mother has stopped saying such things at my request but my little sister has not. So I'm often reminded of weight and such and I struggle with not believing her. I mean although this is slightly mean of me, most of my friends are slightly above average weight. So I feel that they are really just flattering me when they say that I'm a stick and such.

I've been trying to eat healthier at the very least. I know that starving myself would be really bad for my health and I don't force myself to throw up either. But as of late I've been feeling almost physically ill at the thought of food. I still eat, but I feel really nauseated afterwards. I've nearly thrown up plenty of times after eating.

I've talked to my psychologist about my problem with thinking that I'm not at the weight I should be... but I haven't told her about this as of yet and my next session isn't for a while. I really don't want to let my parents know either, I most defiantly don't want to burden them with this problem. I really don't know what to do and I'm at wits end attempting to calm down my nauseated stomach. If you could give me any advice at all for what to do that would be abso-bloody-lutely brilliant.

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

Answer
Dear Tiffany,

Grrrr.........  This is how I feel when I hear about parents and family members making cruel remarks to other family members.  They know that this hurts you -- and it is hurting you deeply.  

This is the way serious eating disorders start.  This is the way that a person's self-esteem is eroded -- and I get so angry when I hear about that happening to someone!

This is not about burdening your parents -- this is about YOU -- this is about the development of a serious eating disorder.  Your BMI is currently very low -- and if you lose much more weight, you could need to go into the hospital.

Please, please tell your psychologist -- I'm thrilled that you're seeing someone, but I think you need to go as soon as you can.  Your nausea is due to your reaction to all of the mean comments and names you've been called.  It tells me that you've deeply internalized these messages.  

Whenever someone says anything to you like this, say in your mind that," I'm too thin right now, I don't have a big butt, and I'm going to take care of myself.  I'm too good to let them get me down."  Look at yourself in the mirror and say these affirmations twice a day for 21 days.  This will help a lot. But in the meantime, talk to your psychologist and let me know what he/she says!!

Warmly,
Jeanne Rust, PhD
CEO/Founder
Mirasol, Inc.
888-520-1700
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com
@jeanniemirasol
http://www.linkedin.com/in/jeannerustmirasol