Expert: Ryan Hale - 2/2/2010

Question
QUESTION: hi my name is adriana and i think i have and eating problem at school i hate eatin i dont know why exacctly when i get home its like i eat everything and evertime i do i feel fatter and fatter i work out everyday and i see no change now my eating habbbits are affecting others around me my parents dont know about this because i dont know how they will react 1 of my friends is diegnosed anorexic and i want to help myself before iend  up in her shoes i want to eat and not be scared of it either i want go back to my normal self again so i guess my questiont to you is what do i do and should i tell my parents because im desparet for help

ANSWER: Adriana-  it's good that you are aware of what is going on.  From what you've told me, it's difficult to say whether or not you have a problem, but it seems like it at least a little huh?  Your habit of eating so much when you get home could be as simple as the fact that you haven't eaten all day.  If you are a person who skips breakfast, that means you haven't eaten since the night before.  Who could blame you for being hungry?

If you are eating as much as possible or for the reasons of trying to change how you feel about some aspects of your life then it is a problem.  Try to be aware of the thoughts and feelings you are having when you get home and want to eat.  Is it about being hungry because you haven't eaten all day, or are you feeling bad about friendships, relationships, stress in your life, your relationship with your parents or siblings?  Some people have wacky eating behaviors because they are trying to change how they feel.  It's similar to the alcoholic or drug addict taking because they don't like how they feel when they have to be sober and think about some of the problems in their life.  

If this is the case, you should talk to someone.  It is difficult to work on issues with relationships or parents or whatever though and keep it a secret from that person.  It's also impossible to only work on some things and not others and expect to get better.  A counselor can help you identify those things and figure out how to work on the things that are making you feel like you want to change how you feel.  I know it may seem corny to go talk to the school psych or the school counselor, but just stop in and ask if you can schedule a meeting to talk about some stuff and I'm sure they will say yes.  If you talk to them and you don't like it, ask who else there is to talk to that they can put you in touch with.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hi its adriana again now that you mention it i am haven problems with relatioships and stuff and school is stress full EXTREEMLYYY STRESSFULL and like now its gotten worse im not esting at all recently and i dont know what else to do i cant tlk to the counciler shell tell my parents it like your the only one that can help me my teachers are terrible i hate my school and sometimes im scared to go home plzzzz pllzzz give me as much advice as poosssiiiblle thankyou soo soo much

Answer
Adriana- nobody should be scared to go home.  If there are some big problems or it is dangerous, you have to tell someone so you can be somewhere safe.  It seems like your eating issue is much like a lot of people with the similar situation.  Sometimes, in an attempt to gain some kind of control over our lives, we look at one of the only things we can totally control... whether or not we eat.  If things are bad, I imagine you are trying to feel any other way than how you feel... the eating issue does that as well right?  I understand that you don't feel like you can go the counselor, but most states have laws that say the counselor can see you without notifying your parents (usually it is 4 or 5 visits).  The reason they have those rules is so people can go and tell someone they are being abused or are having difficulty with their parents and not have to worry about them telling the very people who are causing the problem.   If this is your situation, there are already rules in place so you can tell someone.

I don't know what your exact circumstance is, but it is impossible to deal with the eating issue without addressing all the issues that are contributing to it.  I've seen people who address all but one issue in their lives that is contributing, and I know they will be back in for more help later, because they didn't look at everything that needed worked on.

Let me just say again that if you don't feel safe to go home, you need to tell someone at your school right away.  If it's not that serious, consider talking to a counselor anyway to work on the things in your life that are stressing you out.  Just ask your counselor if they can see you off the record or without telling your parents right off the bat.  I'm pretty sure they will say yes.