Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 10/19/2010

Question
I'm 17 years old and about 5'3-5'5 and quite fat, about 140 pounds I admit I have anorexic tendencies. For days I would starve until it hurt and eat less (about 500 calories and under# when I decided to. Sometimes would eat normally until this feeling took hold of me and I start repeating again but maybe for longer.

I did a test online and it diagnosed me as EDNOS.

However some of the weight would barely shift and I will start eating again but not as much like before. I take ephedrine tablets to aid with the weight loss and constantly see myself as fat. I haven't eaten anything for the past 2 days.

I'm thinking that when I go to the doctor I should tell her whats going on because no one knows except my twin and she hasn't told anyone. My mom doesn't know. I feel like I want to tell her #my doctor# but I don't because she'll make me stop and I secretly love the feeling of doing this to myself, sometimes I smile just thinking about what I'm doing and going to achieve.

I also feel like I'm doing this for attention and always go over the scenario about what would happen if I WAS diagnosed with an eating disorder, and I'd feel slightly happier and that makes me feel guilty and not want to go to the doctor. It makes me feel like I don't have a problem and just not eat as a choice and maybe I'm faking.

I also tend to go on pro-ana sites to make me feel better about what I'm doing. And for some strange reason I want to be extremely skinny when I do go to see her #doctor) so that when she sees me I'll be nice and thin. I really don't know what's going on.

Can someone give me an insight into what I'm doing to myself and maybe if there's a name for it since its not anorexia, because I'm not underweight and if I should speak to my doctor.  I appreciate your time but I don't know what to do.

P.S I live in the UK. I could really use the help as if I should see someone or not waste their time.
Thanks in Advance  

Answer
Dear Shemayne,

I'm so glad that you wrote!

One of the traps people call easily fall into is thinking that a clinical eating disorder is about a number on the scale!  That is so not true!

One thing for you to keep in mind is that eating disorders are progressive.  You already have the mental frame of mind for an anorexic.  The next thing that will happen is that your restricting will increase and you'll feel OK with that.  I've seen girls who weigh 60 pounds or 27 kilos who think they are fat.    The thinking of the person becomes completely distorted.

If you weren't focused on your body, on what you're eating or what you're not eating, what would you be feeling?  Notice I didn't say doing, I said feeling!  Feelings are like happy, sad, fear, guilt, shame, hurt, pain, joy.

Eating disorders are coping mechanisms that help people cope with underlying issues and feelings.

It would be wonderful if you could see a therapist who specializes in eating disorders who could help you before you become even more ill.

Let me know how you do!

Warmly,
Jeanne Rust, PhD
CEO/Founder
Mirasol, Inc.
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com
888-520-1700