Anorexia/Eating Disorders/cause I care....

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Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 11/6/2010


Question
Hi! I have a friend that I love to bits and pieces, but one thing has been on my mind for a while.  Her eating, I honest to god can't remember the last time she ate a breakfast, and she refuses to eat a legitiment lunch.  This has been going for 3 years. She's 120-125 lbs now, and shes 5'10.5 and still a teenager.  Shes dragged me into starvation when we were younger, but I got out of it.  Please, what should i do? and how can I tell if she has a true eating disorder.  She's like a sister to me, and there are soo many things she hasn't done yet, she claims she's fat, but she's only a size 2.  How do I encourage her to gain more confidence?? I honestly just want her healthy

Answer

Jeannie Rust, PhD
Dear Nina,

Your friend is so lucky to have you!  It sounds as if she does have eating disordered behaviors.  She's very thin, probably not at the level where she's going to have extreme medical consequences.  It sounds as if she's been anorexic for years.  Is she having her menstrual periods?  

However,this is really an opportunity for you to express how you feel to her.  You can't change her behavior and you can't be her food police.  But you can say things like,  "You're my best friend and I am so scared when I see you not eating.  I'm afraid that you'll get worse and die."    Or something like, "I would be so afraid and lonely if you died from anorexia."

Express your feelings using "I" messages.  Don't say "you" because it can sound as if you're blaming.  I know you're not.  But if you say "I," it's about your feelings.

There is a great book called Surviving an Eating Disorder: Strategies for Families and Friends.  You can get it on amazon or at Gurze books.

Warmly,
Jeanne Rust, PhD
CEO/Founder
Mirasol
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com
888-520-1700

Jeanne Rust, PhD

Expertise

I have been treating eating disorders for over 25 years and I have a doctorate in clinical psychology. I am an expert in anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorders and in co-occurring disorders as well -- depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc. I was the official eating disorder therapist for the University of Arizona athletic department and love working with girls and women of all ages! 12 years ago I started my own treatment centers in Arizona where we treat adolescents and adults. I love working with people and have been helping people online since 1994. My hearts go out to the people out there who are unable to find help, who aren't sure whether they need help, and who don't have much of an understanding of the terrible consequences, emotionally and physically, that go hand in hand with the eating disorder. I view eating disorders as coping mechanisms that people use when they are under stress. I believe that eating disorders most times have many similarities whether it is anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating. The good news is that people can heal from an eating disorder and learn to create the lives they would like to live.

Experience

I have 25 years of experience in treating eating disorders of all kinds. I also do consultations for people who are starting treatment centers.

Education/Credentials
Northwestern University -- BA Masters in Counseling Doctorate in Clinical Psychology -- Saybrook institute

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