Expert: Ryan Hale - 2/25/2010

Question
Dear Ryan,

I am a young girl and I am wondering if I might have an eating disorder. I've had a negative body image for as long as I can remember. I've ALWAYS compared myself to others. Lately, I've been trying to lose weight. I'm 5' 4" and I weigh 118 lbs. I feel HUGE even though I'm supposedly at a healthy weight. My thighs are the most disgusting things I've ever seen. I've been paying close attention to calories, making sure not to eat more than 1500 a day. I excercise until my eliptical machine tells me I've burned at least 500 calories. I know every trick in the book to burn extra calories throughout the day. I've tried to purge for the last year but it hasn't worked until two days ago. I FINALLY got myself to throw up some ice cream, and yesterday, I did it again. I tried to throw up today, about half an hour ago, but nothing came up. Now I feel like crying. Despite all of my efforts though, I don't seem to be losing any weight! I don't know what's wrong with me. Because I'm not losing any weight, I doubt that I have a real problem. My friends tell me I don't eat enough and that I'm skinny but I know they're just saying that... I spend a lot of time on pro ana and pro mia sites to learn tricks and get "thinspiration". I guess I just need someone to talk to about this since I've never told anyone how much I hate my body. So, is any of this normal in any way? Or do I have a real eating disorder?

Thank you.

Answer
Maddie-  it sounds problematic to me that you have such a negative body image and are very consumed by the thoughts about calories and getting rid of calories.  You use some pretty strong words to describe yourself and how you feel, so I can understand you are pretty unhappy.  The fact that you are trying to purge your food now is bothersome too.  There are a ton of medical problems this can all lead to.  

when it comes to eating disorders, there are often a million things that can contribute: feeling of not being able to control your life, school or family stressed, issues with friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, issues with your family, especially mom and/or dad.  There are a lot of aspects to deal with.  It is necessary though to take each one at a time and sort through it all.  It's not always pleasant or easy to drag all of it out into the open, but eating disorders are not all about eating.  Sometimes there is underlying anxiety or depression that you are not even aware of and are attempting to "treat" by changing how you feel physically.  Also, if you are abusing drugs or alcohol, it is really, really important you talk to someone right away.

Even if you are using substances, it would be best to see someone who can help you start to work through some of the things I mentioned.  Your school counselor or school psych is a great place to start.  I know it sounds corny, but they are a great resource.  In many states they can even see you a few times without having to inform your parents if privacy is an issue.  They can also refer you to someone who even specializes in this kind of thing.  It's too hard to try to fix things all by yourself.  If you just can't bring yourself to go, start by talking to a trusted teacher or favorite coach.  Even your family's doctor can help get the ball rolling.  

I know you don't want to feel like you are feeling, that's why you wrote and that's why I'm sure you'd get better if you could.  Please give it a try and talk to someone.