Expert: Ryan Hale - 3/15/2010

Question
I have been obsessed with my weight for 13 yrs.In the very rare event I miss a day of working out I feel utter guilt, as do I when I eat ANYTHING. I have had a problem twice in the past where I would workout up to 3 times a day(think power walking/jogging)at this point I do it one time a day with the occasional slip-up of twice and that would be due to feeling I ate too much that day or over the weekend. I am within a healthy bmi of apprx. 122 at 5'6.I recently within the past couple months have dabbled in purging on occasion and I hate it.My mind is always obsessed with food intake and afraid of gaining weight and getting cellulite.I know to the average person this sounds absolutly crazy, but it is my life every waking minute of everyday. I am a mother of 2 beautiful children and have a loving husband who would never demand a certain size from me. He infact tells me he wants me to gain. He doesnt know the extreme thoughts in my head every day, and I so badly want to feel "comfortable in my skin" with out this horribly draining obsession, I really need some help, I do love working out I dont want that taken away, I just need what I call "the guuilts" to go away.I want to enjoy life with my family without this hinderence.I am afraid to go to a doc, because if we should ever need a change of insurance they won't except me.But I really, really need help, I am sick and tired of feeling this way. Do you have any advice for me? Thank you so much.

Answer
Jane-what you have told me about your feelings is quite common for someone with your eating issue.  Because the problem is only partly a behavior, you will also need to deal with how it all makes you FEEL.  A skilled counselor or psychologist with experience in eating disorder treatment can be a huge help.  You've already identified the behaviors you'd like to change, they can help with that too, but the feelings of guilt and not being comfortable with yourself all need to be ironed out as well.

It's not enough to tell you to refocus your exercising on health and wellness and not on appearance or to burn any unwanted calories, it is also important for you to see where these feelings are coming from and what you can do about them.  Often there are aspects that contribute to eating disorders such as family stress, relationships, or something like past history of abuse.  Those things can be sorted through by a good therapist.  It's a difficult task to decide to dive right into such big areas of our lives, but it will take time and it can be done.  It is important that you are honest with your counselor about this and not sugar coat something that may be contributing to your problem, that will take time as well as you build trust in the counseling relationship.  My suggestion would be to talk with someone (counselor or psychologist) who can help you with your feelings and not just deal with the behaviors.