Expert: Ginger - 9/15/2010

Question
in the first semester of 8th grade i weighed 160pounds, some tell me that isnt that bad, but i was told by more people "wow thats alot". At first i didnt mind my weight because my mother was over weight and most of my friends were too but my grandmother seemed to find it discusting to be ok with having an over weight image, i would ignore her rude comments during dinner about how "tubby" and "fat" i looked and how i "should cut down on my portions". It wasnt until i visited the doctor that october for a physical, when my doctor rudely said "your fat and obese for a 13 year old girl", that i really started to become self concious about my image. It began to bother me when i looked in the mirror, i could no longer ignore my grandmothers comments, i also noticed boys at school teased me about how i looked which made me relize id never had a boyfriend because of my weight. Food started to look discusting to me, my stomach would turn when i would think about eating, i stopped eating for a week and started participating in p.e. By the end of the week i would start getting dizzy and feeling as if i had no energy so i would eat a small salad. But i soon got used to not eating and by the end of august i had dropped down to 120, my jean size was no longer a size 16 it was now a size 3, 40pounds may not seem like a lot but it made me feel good i felt pretty, and sexy(even though not eating led me to losing a cup size), and i also felt noticed. I was continuing to not eat until my little sister told my mother about how i had lost weight. She threatend to take me to a group for anorexics if i continued to not eat, but i didnt care. My mother ended up taking me to a phyciatrist who said i was considered an anorexic. My sister heard and told my friends who seemed to find it funny and would make jokes about my ED, other people had heard their jokes and started saying harmful things about me being anorexic. I ended up forcing my self to eat, food tasted nasty to me, and would "go right through me". I started getting back to eating atleast 2 times a day, i still would skip eating a couple days a month, and gained 14pounds. Im 17 now and pregnant and of corse gaining weight, im starting to feel the old feelings i had in 8th grade, i feel discusting because not only is my stomach bigger my legs, arms, face, and sides are larger too. My boyfriend seems to be no longer attracted to me and makes fat jokes and when i look in the mirror i dont see a pregnant girl i see a fat girl and even though i feel depressed and like i want to cry when i eat (i have a few times) i do still eat how my doctor tells me to because i dont want to harm my baby but i do want to lose weight after she is born and not eating is the fastest and most effective way i can think of and i am strongly considering it. My only concern is my babys health. So finaly my question: if i breast feed and do go back to not eating can and how will it affect my babys health?
Im sorry for writting so much please help!
Sincerly, erica

Answer
Hi Erica,
Thanks for your question! I know exactly how you feel about the pregnancy weight gain, because I was there, too. It's really hard to look at the scale and see the numbers going up as a good thing! It's temporary, though- the numbers won't go up forever. When I first got pregnant, I told myself I was going to only gain the minimium amount of weight necessary and it would only be in my belly- well, it didn't happen that way! I ate as healthily as I could (no junk- all good, nutritious food) and I still gained 45 pounds. I gained it everywhere (face, arms, legs, sides, bum). I was so afraid I wasn't going to be about to lose the weight once my baby was born, but you know what? It didn't take long, and I didn't change anything about the way I was eating! I breastfed and ate just as well after my son was born as I did while I was pregnant. Within three months I was wearing the same clothes I wore before I ever got pregnant.

I'm so, so happy that you're eating like your doctor tells you to, because not eating could really seriously harm your baby. When I was feeling anxious about what I was eating, I would try and picture the nutrients in the food going through the umbilical cord and into my baby, to help him grow. Just think: if your baby was on the outside, you'd never, ever even think of starving her, right? It's the same thing now. If you don't eat, she doesn't eat. She needs the food you eat to grow and be healthy. I also would remind myself how much I suffered in my life because of my eating disorder, and I'd tell myself how unfair it would be to let my ED affect my baby, too, even before he was born!

While I was pregnant, I went for a 3D ultrasound. That helped me so much, because I could actually see my little baby's face and body. Once I saw him, I really wanted to eat even more healthily, because I could visualize where the vitamins I was eating were going! Could you maybe get one of these ultrasounds?

This is a link a friend shared with me when I was pregnant. It shows the breakdown of pregnancy weight, and this is just a guideline. When you factor in the weight of the baby, placenta, increased amount of blood, amniotic fluid, etc., the actual fat you're gaining isn't much:

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancyhealth/eatingfortwo.html


Breastfeeding does help new moms lose weight quicker because of the hormones it produces and the calories it takes to produce milk, and it is the best thing for your baby. The problem is, if you're breastfeeding and you don't eat, your baby doesn't eat, either. If you don't eat, you won't be able to produce any milk. You need to eat in order to make milk. If not, you'll be sick again, and your baby won't be getting the breast milk she needs. It's not a good idea.  

If I had known while I was pregnant what I know now, I would never have worried about the weight gain. The weight will go a lot quicker than you think, and it will seem so insignificant to you once you have your baby in your arms!

Your boyfriend really doesn't sound like a supportive guy. To make fat jokes is terrible, but to make them to the mother of his unborn child, when he knows you've had an eating disorder and he knows you can't do anything about your weight gain (because you're SUPPOSED to gain weight when you're pregnant!) is really cruel. Can you talk to him about this? Is he going to tease your child like this, too? He needs to grow up and stop this behaviour before he does some serious damage.

I'm also worried about how your ED will affect your baby in a few years' time. If she sees Mommy not eating and obsessing over her weight and size, she will be the same. Even if you try and hide it, children are really perceptive, and she'll catch you glancing at yourself in the mirror, etc. There's also the possibility that you will obsess over her size and what she eats, too, because of your own ED. Eating disorders are very commonly passed down from mothers to daughters, and after all you've been through, you don't want her to suffer the same, right? I think you should speak to a counsellor or psychiatrist as soon as you can, or even your doctor, who can refer you to someone- if not for yourself, for your little girl.

I hope this helps. E-mail me anytime.
Good luck,
Ginger