Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 1/17/2011

Question
Hi Jeanne

I hope you can give me some answers as I feel a little lost/confused. I'm a 30 year old female and have being a picky eater from as far back as I can remember. That's never been a problem, I'm always healthy, never get sick etc.. When I was 21 I started coping with stress by not eating, not on purpose I just don't get hungry! But after doing this for about a week I become completely obsessed, restricting food, working out etc but I always just 'fixed' myself and went back to my normal weight, which is about 45kg.
Recently however I started doing the same thing as I wanted to punish someone (I'm very I happily married, no violence or anything, more emotional & I hate him and feel trapped), I know this sounds sick but I couldn't think of another way. But as before, after a coup,e of weeks I became fixated/obsessed and it's all I think of. It's the worse iv been and I now weigh 36kg, my lowest was always 41kg. I'm 4 foot 11 so I'm quite short. The problem is I can't stop this time.. I'm simply not hungry and the thought of ever weighing 41kg again makes me want to cry. The problem is I know I'm not anorexic, I don't look in the mirror and see a fat person, I see someone that looks too thin and too sick and I really want get better but I do t know what to do! If I know I'm too thin and getting sick, why can't I just eat :(...
Iv had on and off depression since I was 14 but overall Im a happy, well liked person, I just can't cope mentally with certain stressful situations and my body goes into a black hole for a few weeks but I always get out and feel better than ever! I'm not feeling depressed at the moment, but I'm scared this feels like the calm before the storm as Im surprisingly upbeat at the moment & yet my circumstances haven't changed.. I don't have anyone else here but my husband as my family are all oversees. But I have been living apart from my family for 9 years now and prefer it this way anyway..
I hope i made sense,
Thanks in advance for any answers

Answer
Dear Jo,

I'm so glad that you wrote me!  I can see why you're confused -- when a person begins to get so low in weight, they begin to suffer cognitively.  When your body is not getting food, it will begin to feed off of itself.  This includes your muscle mass, the major organs in your body including your heart and brain.  In some people the brain literally becomes physically smaller in size.  Not a pretty picture.

You have the correct reasons on why someone develops an eating disorder.  They find it a natural thing to not eat, or eat too much, as a way of coping with stress in your life.  I also think that you're got some pretty severe depression.

Many people can have anxiety, depression along with the eating disorder -- it's very normal.

Do you notice that I'm calling your condition an eating disorder?  It's a coping mechanism.  I also read your sentence about how the though of ever weighing 41 KG again makes you want to cry.  You might not see a fat person in the mirror -- but the thought of weighing more is upsetting.

A lot of people will read the supposed "criteria" for anorexia to see if they have it. I will say however that every person who has an eating disorder has different symptoms that are peculiar just to them.  There might be a lot of people who see a fat person in the mirror -- and there are just as many who do not!  And they are anorexic.

The main thing now is your living situation.  It is going to be crucial for you to see a psychotherapist or psychologist, particularly one that specializes in eating disorders.  They will also find a good dietitian for you so you can learn how to manage your weight.  The therapist can also help you figure out how to develop a good social support system.  Very important given the feelings you have for your husband.

Please keep in touch and let me know how you do!

Warmly,
Jeanne Rust, PhD
CEO/Founder
Mirasol
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com
888-520-1700