Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 10/28/2011

Question
QUESTION: I've already submitted a question to another expert but had no reply, it's been almost two weeks. It's quite late at night now, I've been trying to pluck up the courage to ask again all day, so here goes.
I'm 13, I weigh 97lb (although this tends to fluctuate), I'm about 5"3. I'm sick of people complaining about my weight, and nagging me about my eating habits, for a while I thought they were at least a bit normal, but my friends and family tell me otherwise. My mum's always trying to get me to gain weight, taking away thing such as my ipod to 'motivate' me, but usually I just wait about 4 days, and then load up on water. She instantly notices when I drop back to my old weight, sometimes lower, but I can't stand the thought of gaining any weight. In about mid June I weighed just a bit under 107lb, since then I've gradually lost it. My lowest weight since then has been roughly 94lb.
For over a year now (since roundabout September 2010) I've been skipping lunch, and before that I never used to eat breakfast anyway. I've tried to kick the habit, but that one time I tried to, I couldn't handle it.
Part of the reason is that I hate eating in front of people, even if my mum's in the room, I just can't eat, even if she's paying to attention to me. I also have a phobia of eating anything that I haven't either made my self or observed whoever made it, if I go out with friends and they stop for something to eat, I can't even stand to go into the cafe, restaurant, etc. Take away and restaurant foods aren't on my 'safe list', neither are things such cheese, yogurt, fried foods, heavy food.
If I'm at home on a weekend and my mum makes me have breakfast, even if it's just a bit of cereal, I always feel sick, I'm never actually sick, but there's always that feeling.
I tend to eat at night when I'm alone and in secret, mostly because I'm ashamed and I always feel guilty, even if I so much a eat, for example, a single grape. I've tried to purge a few times, but just can't seem to do it, possibly because, in retrospect, when I do feel like purging, I haven't actually eaten all that much.
I exercise every day, the very least I've done in a day since I started was 50 sit ups, I wasn't feeling well that time. But some days I push myself more, like if I ate something the night before I still feel guilty about or if I feel like I didn't exercise enough one day.
I get a lot of comments about having and ED, but I feel like that puts more pressure on me, it makes me feel fatter, like I need to lose weight because whoever it is clearly see's me as thinner than I am, so I need to be what they think I look like. It annoys me so much when people say stuff like that because I know I don't. That's kind of why I've written to you, to find out if it's normal for a teenager.
Thank you for even taking the time to read this, I do realize it's quite long and I don't know if it even makes any sense what so ever.

ANSWER: Dear Saaraa,

I am so glad that you wrote me!  Your letter makes complete sense to me.  I'm worried about you!

You definitely have anorexia nervosa.  The aspect of this condition is that it is progressive.  You're not going to ever be well and will keep losing weight.  I am so glad that you can't purge -- I know you don't like to hear that -- but it's true!

It is vital that you find a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and have an assessment done.  What you are doing is not normal.  It is very normal for someone who is anorexic.  Anorexia is the greatest killer of teens that there is.  20% of people with anorexia will die.  

It's not a condition you want to fool around with!

Warmly,
Jeanne Rust, PhD
CEO/Founder
Mirasol
www.mirasol.net
www.edrecovery.com

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: You said I should find a therapist, I do want help, but I don't know how to ask for help, or even how to broach the subject to anyone. I just don't think I would be taken all that seriously.

ANSWER: Dear Saaraa,

When you tell me that you're not taken seriously, I think it's a reflection of your self-esteem.  You're not feeling really good about yourself.  Are you close to your Mum?  Are there any other adults, aunts, grandmothers, etc. who you're close to?

Let's find someone who you can talk to and you can tell them that you need some help.  You don't need to mention the eating disorder right away but you can tell them that you've been depressed or whatever feels best to you.  

Let's keep in touch and I'll help you through this!

Warmly,
Jeannie

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: My mum and I used to be close, but we've grown apart in the last few years, and I only see my dad every couple of months, so I barely know him. Thinking about it, I like to isolate myself as much as I can from other people, I have no idea who to talk to.
Thank you.

Answer
Saaraa,

Could it be that the eating disorder has helped create distance between you and your mum?  In my experience, as the disease gets worse, the person isolates more and more.  Maybe it's time to let your mum into your life again?  You can tell her that you realize that you've grown apart and that you've missed her!

Warmly,
Jeannie