Expert: Meg - 7/5/2011

Question
"I have just started my anorexia recovery and it is the hardest thing Ive probably ever had to do in my whole life.  Im turning 20 in a few weeks.  I'm 89 lbs.  However, when I started gaining weight, about 3 weeks ago, I was about 80 lb and I'm 5 foot 2.  Ive been dealing with restricting anorexia since I was in 5th grade.  I feel like I am losing a part of me, when I look in the mirror I feel like Im looking at a different person.  I have been "overweight" several times, the highest I got was 122 and I was so fat adn ugly.  I look at pics of those times and feel disguisted.  I have a very small frame and compltly flat chested so I fear gaining weight cuz if my stomach gets big there will be absoulty no way to tell the diffrence from my tummy and any possible boobs, yeah idk if that makes any sense.  Anyway I have dropped to the weight I was when I was in 6th grade.  I feel like I am outa control eatting which I am, I really do eat alot now nonstop.  Today I made a huge dent in the pb adn I feel so guilty.  I dont workout really so I fear gaining fat and not lean muscle.  I thinkin I gained 5 lbs this week.  Its better that I gained a little because I can start to fit in clothes again, for a while I couldnt fit in juniors clothes only kids clothes, I still dont fit in juniors xsmalls but Im prob gettin close. I eat everything like I said before.  This has become a controling overwheling factor of my entire life.  I do enjoy food and cooking but only for other people and I love to bake but when I do I eat a could pf whatever I bake and throw the rest out.  Feel like a horrible pig.  My question is will this huge tummy of mine go away with time?  When I was 89 lb before I didnt have this big tummy, will it go away? And will I only gain this weight back as fat? cuz thats what I fear so much too. And lastly can I eat whatever I crave cuz Im trying not to cuz Im afraid that I might start eatting whatever I crave then when I do hit my goal weight I wont be able to stop.  Will I be ablet to stop?  Im so scared.My waist it bigger now that when I was 89 bafore.

My questions are:

Will I be able to stop overeatting when I get to my goal weight?

I dont work out should I be so I dont gain the weight back as flanny weight?

Will the weight distribute evenly naturally cuz its all in my tummy right now? and I cant deal with that.

Will my cravings go away?

Can I give into my cravings?

Thank you for any advise I need it"

Answer
Hi Bridget,

First off, I am so sorry that I am late in responding to your question.  I didn't see that I had any pending questions until today and know that you've had to wait a few days.  So sorry!

It is so wonderful that you are working so hard on recovery and I really commend you for taking that brave step towards health.  I agree that yes, it is one of the most difficult things you can do but also so very worth it.  

I'm sorry that you're feeling out of control and like a pig.  This is very common, especially as you're trying to get your body used to eating again.  I can pretty much guarantee you that most people who are recovering share these feelings a lot of the time, especially at first.  I know that I certainly did.  What you need to keep in mind is that your body needs the food you are eating and is literally trying to save itself right now.  When we are very sick with anorexia, ones body begins slowing down and when you finally do eat, it is normal to overcompensate as it truly is your body trying to stay alive and get the nutrients it hasn't been getting for quite some time.  Also, your perception about your weight, how much you are eating, how you look, etc is going to be WAY OFF right now.  I know its easy to disregard this fact of think its only true for others but I promise that what you FEEL about your eating and body right now are far from the truth.  It helped me to keep this in mind while I was trying to get better.

To answer your questions:

Will I be able to stop overeatting when I get to my goal weight?

Yes, generally once your weight is restored and your body is healthy, the cravings will disappear.  It does take awhile to get used to normal eating again and I really recommend either talking with a nutritionist or else learning about healthy nutrition yourself.  It can be really helpful to understand what your body really needs to be healthy and work at its best and for many people, learning about what food and proper nutrition really does can help in getting past the eating disorder and believing that all food is bad, etc.

I dont work out should I be so I dont gain the weight back as flanny weight?

Until your weight is healthy, I wouldn't recommend much working out.  Being at a low weight already and coming out of the stress anorexia puts on your body, you don't want to tax it any more than it is being taxed right now.  If you really feel like you must work out, a small amount of slow yoga or walking is okay.  But I would wait until you are healthier to really work out.

Will the weight distribute evenly naturally cuz its all in my tummy right now? and I cant deal with that.

This happens a lot in early recovery and the tummy problems do go away as you get healthier.  I think its similar to the starving children who are in commercials whose tummies are big.  I'm not sure what the reason is, but when your body is starving, it goes there first.  Again, this will even out as you get better and while I totally understand it being upsetting right now, it will not last.  

Will my cravings go away?

Yes, once your body gets healthy, they will.  

Can I give into my cravings?

Within reason, yes.  You don't want to give yourself indigestion or overload your body when its not used to eating regularly but it is normal to overcompensate at this point and should be okay.  



Hope this helped some.  I don't know if you are getting any support, but having a doctor moniter your weight gain can be helpful and of course, getting support from a therapist or eating disorder group can really help at this point.  I'll give you a link for a support bulletin board that helped me a lot when I was first recovering.  You might want to check that out as there are so many people who are going through the same things you are there and it really is comforting to know that you're not alone and that it will get better.

http://fishyvb.something-fishy.org/

Please take care be gentle with yourself as you move towards health.  Recovery is a process, its normal to have some great days and some hard ones.  Just keep taking one day at a time and moving forward.  You can do it!

Please write anytime if there is anything else I can help with.

Meg