Expert: Jeanne Rust, PhD - 8/18/2011

Question
QUESTION: I'm 21, and have suffered with eating problems from around 16, at 17 i was diagnosed with anorexia but i was never hospitalized and i have since gained weight but fluctuated, never going back to my original weight of around 62kg at 170cm, and never hitting as low as it did at its lowest (48kg). I have a fear of weighing myself as I am currently heavier than I want to be due to extended holidaying and drinking, i often lose control over eating however i wouldn't say I binge, but tend to eat in secret sometimes especially after drinking and often purge afterwards. I am disgusted by any amount of fat on my body and continuously plan how to try and get rid of it, its almost as if i want to relapse however my family are incredibly aware of my condition and I am ashamed to draw attention to my eating habits around friends so I am constantly trying to work out how to avoid eating in front of people so I can lose weight and reach a point I feel more comfortable at.
As you can probably tell i'm hugely confused about what I feel, I haven't had a period for almost 3 years although I am now at a weight it should easily come back and have had tests showing there is nothing wrong inside. Even though I am desperate to be healthy and get rid of my preoccupations, i feel fat and want to lose weight. Is there any way of helping myself without going back to therapy and talking about it?
Thank you for your time.

ANSWER: Dear Jemma,

You are not alone in having gained the weight back but still experiencing many of the behaviors -- wanting to eat alone, feeling fat, losing control over food, etc.  This is nothing to be ashamed of at all.

You've really answered your own question -- therapy.  Going back to therapy would be the very best.  Are you in England?

There are a couple of other things you could do.  Go to www.gurze.com -- this is the website for Gurze Books.  They are publishers of eating disorder books.  Find some manuals that would apply to you in regards to body image, anorexia, and even some bingeing.  If you start working on one of these every day, you'll get better no doubt.  

It will take some work on your part.   Doing something every day towards your recovery would help almost more than anything.  but you need to really want recovery.  I think that you're period will come back when you start to do this.  the fact that your period hasn't returned tells be that you're still "playing" with your food, off and on, perhaps dieting?

It rather sounds as if you're still somewhat anorexic?

Let's keep talking an figure out how you can get the help you need!!

Warmly,
Jeanne Rust, PhD
CEO/Founder
Mirasol, Inc.
888-520-1700
www.mirasol.net
wwwedrecovery.com

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Jeanne, thanks for your message... Yes i'm in England, at University in Newcastle but I live in London, and since starting uni i find controlling my diet even more difficult... I do believe the problem lies in the fact that for some reason I don't have that much drive to get completely recovered although I believe that anyone that was aware of my problems (apart from my close family) think that I am totally fine now. I am hugely paranoid about what other people think and dread the thought of anyone thinking i have gained weight over the summer, i constantly compare myself to others.
Am i risking infertility if my period doesn't come back for much longer? Even when i go through periods of not feeling like i need to lose weight, i still never feel entirely relaxed about what i'm eating despite not having any major problems with certain food groups like i used to (like pasta or chips and chocolate). I have thought about trying hypnotism, do you know anything about this? I have looked at the website you reccomended... there are so many books, i don't really know what would apply to me?

Thanks again,
Jemma

Answer
Dear Jemma,

I am so happy to find out that you live in London!  There is a fabulous eating disorder therapist at 96 Harley Street whose name is Annie Bennett.  Her phone number is 0771 2033 508.  I have known Annie for years now and I have nothing but the greatest respect for her.  She's just darling.  What I am thinking is that it would be terrific for you to see Annie for one appointment, just for an assessment.

You are still at a dangerous place with the anorexia.  You are at risk for infertility -- this can be the biggest consequence of an eating disorder.  Hypnotism is wonderful but right at this point in your recovery, it's not what you really need -- perhaps a little later.

Some books would be Anorexia Nervosa: A Guide to Recovery by Lindsey Hall.  This is a fabulous book.  The other one I would recommend is the Anorexia Workbook by Michelle Hefner, et al.  Another very good book.

I would really start out with an appointment with Annie.  Hopefully she can set you back on the path you need in a short time.  She's one of the best therapists I know in the field!

Warmly,
Jeannie