Anorexia/Eating Disorders/Eating problems
Hi, thank you for all the advice you give and all that you do. Im a 22 year old male. When i was younger i was chubby and starved myself tp lose weight, going from 180 to 120, over the next few years i ate more and stopped excersizing as excessivly and mantained a weight of about 140, although it fluctuated at times. After marriage and a child i gained alot of weight, going up tp about 170 over two years, out of anger at myself I have been dieting alot and throwing up, which is new for m. I lost alot of weight, i intended tp stop once i weighed 140, im now 133 ( im 5'6, have been that height since i first started dieting as a teenager) but i can't stop and i hate my body as much as ever, i can't take my shirt off in the bedroom. my stomach, throat and head hurt constantly. I have no sex drive and can't perform in bed and I think my wife is starting to suspect something and she hates that I can't get naked. Im really embarrased and kind of scared. What can I do? Im so sorry for telling u all these details and for the length of the question. All the best
First off, so sorry that you're dealing with all of this and I hope that I can help (or at least point you in some helpful directions). And, sorry for being a bit more slow than usual. I just saw that I had a question this morning.
It sounds to me like you have a lot of the symptoms and issues present with an eating disorder (body hatred, extreme dieting, huge weight fluctuations) as well physical symptoms from not taking good care of your body. I'm sorry that you're dealing with all of this as I know how scary and puzzling it can be.
First off, here is some general information about eating disorders and some self quizzes that might be helpful:
and some links about eating disorders and men (which is not that uncommon although I think people often assume that only women get EDs, which is not true)
It sounds to me like a part of you knows that you have a problem (although denial of this problem is normal in eating disorders and it is also normal to feel like you are not "sick enough" to need to get better.
If you look at all of your physical symptoms (not feeling well from not eating, over exercising, throwing up), your emotional symptoms (feel bad about yourself, not wanting to be naked in front of your wife, etc) and the eating disorder symptoms (throwing up, not eating, excessive exercise), I think you can probably see that this is indeed a problem.
The question is how to deal with it and there are many answers to that.
The easiest and fastest way to get out of this cycle is to get professional help.
There are lots of therapists (many on a sliding scale) who help people with eating disorders get well. There are also support groups (both online and off) and self help groups. I will give you some links to those below too:
Treatment finder: http://www.eating-disorder.com/
Online forum: http://www.anad.org/eating-disorders-get-help/join-our-discussion/
I also think that by educating yourself about eating disorders, you can see that you're not alone in how you're feeling and what you're going through which is hugely helpful.
The most important thing is to find a way to want to get better. I can tell you, as someone who has been through this that there IS a better life when you're not sick and feeling awful about yourself all the time. In fact, there is a great big world and no limits to your hopes and dreams when you're not consumed by this. The first step (reaching out for some kind of help) is the hardest but you deserve to live a life that is free from feeling horrible all the time. Your family, wife and kids deserve it to.
Hope this helps and let me know if there is anything else I can do.
Take care, okay?