Expert: Joanne - 10/10/2005

Question
My friend lost weight last year, and has now become obsessed with her carb intake. She rarely eats, and now weighs about 40 - 45kg. She is quite big boned - as she was a large size 14 before. She looks very gaunt, and her ribs stick out, and her skin and hair are terrible. i truely believe she is anorexic. she has ignored all individual advice from loved ones asking her to seek help, and I am now annoyed enough to be blunt with her. She also spends too much time in front of mirrors, and now no longer drives safely, as she has to look in the mirror all the time. I was thinking about doing a ambush session, where everyone who loves her is in the same room, and we don't let her leave til she listens to all of us. Every one at the moment is writing letters to her, but I believe she won't read them, unless we make her sit down and listen to us read them aloud, but I don't want to hurt or upset her to a point of making it worse. She won't go to the doctor, and i believe it's because she knows that the doctor will agree. also, when I show her pictures of anorexics, and tell her thats what she looks like, she disagrees, and refuses to be photographed anywhere. We have all approached her about her eating, but she makes excuses and flees. Any advice on how to make her at least listen to our concerns would be greatly appreciated.

Answer
Anorexics don't believe they have a problem, especially not the first time round!  She may not see the bones and features of an anorexic as in these pictures, as people with EDs truly just see fat!  She may not want to be photographed because she deep down knows she has a problem, or she may just see herself as being huge!

I have never been as big as a size 14 and struggle to visualise it, but I know that at the moment, she weighs less than me, and I have been diagnosed on a number of occasions as having an ED!

If she is not listening to reason, I think you are right to all sit down with her at once, it could be worse when she doesn't have a choice and may even be sectioned, and she's playing with death!

If she still won't listen leave her my details and tell her that she can get in touch with me here, and I will give her my e-mail, or give her the URL:www.somethingfishy.org  I find this site to be very useful when I am struggling with my own ED as she can talk to people in the same situation and get advice from them.  There is also a section on there for friends and family, so maybe you should get everyone to have a look at this site as I'm sure it gives you advice on what to do.

Feel free to e-mail me with any further questions, and plesae pass on these details to anyone else that feels they have a ? to ask!

Please don't give up on your friend, stick by her, but don't let your own health suffer as a result.  Sometimes the stress this can cause for bystanders is terrible, and there are people out there that you can talk to too!

Holly