Expert: Meg - 7/23/2005

Question
Hi again Meg,

It's okay that it took a few days, I totally understand that it wasn't your fault.  :-)  No worries.

Anyway, my diet is 300 calories a *meal* (not a day) with 3 meals a day, which is of course 900 calories a day.  But I can completely understand your making the mistake because *I* make that mistake all the time when I'm talking to hubby...I'll say, "Yeah, I'm back on the 300 calories a day thing," and he'll say, "You mean a meal."  I think I'd pull my hair out if it was 300 a day.  :-)

But I notice that even 900 is at the very bottom of your starvation range.  After reading what you wrote to me I'm reconsidering the calorie counting and thinking of going on a "one thing a meal" plan.  What I mean is, for breakfast instead of having eggs and toast and bacon and more(the overeating diet) or eggbeaters scrambled eggs and one slice of turkey bacon (the 300 diet), I'd just have a one-egg omelet with maybe cheese and green onions inside.  Same thing for lunch and dinner -- one small portion of one healthy dish.  To me this sounds like a healthy way to go about getting the last 30 pounds off, but I wonder if it still raises some red flags because I still won't be eating very much.

Anyway.  Your kind, supportive words made me feel warm and comfy, like I was talking to an old friend, and I want to thank you for that. :-) I'm more determined than ever now to get to a healthy weight and stay there, not just for me but for my sons.  (I should be modeling good eating habits for them anyway, right?)  Reading your answer really helped bolster me.

Anyway, thanks again.  Your caring and concern really touched me.  I appreciate your time and consideration!

Laura
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Followup To
Question -
Hi Meg, you sound so nice!

I do have a question for you, I promise, but I thought it might be helpful for you to read the background behind my question first.  I'll try to be as brief as I can....:-)

I've fought with overeating my whole life.  Then I got pregnant and gained 70 pounds.  Because I was 30 pounds overweight when I GOT pregnant, I had 100 to lose after the baby was born.  I went down to 300 cals a meal, and that plus breastfeeding (which is calories going out of you too) took off 90 pounds in three months.  Like a pound or two a day.  My body stalled out at ten pounds above my goal weight and I was considering starting some type of aerobics (I lost the 90 lbs with NO exercise).  At that point one of my dear friends, who is a recovering anorexic, told me she saw danger signs of anorexia in me and begged me to stop dieting.

So I stopped, and gained back 40 pounds fast.  Then I got pregnant again, and gained 60 pounds (even though I promised myself it would be different this time).  So after the second baby I had 100 pounds to lose all over again.

That was almost a year ago.  The 300 calorie a meal thing isn't as easy to stick to this time around (partly because of my different schedule now), though I have dropped 70 pounds and kept those off.

My second baby's first birthday is in August, and I've been wanting to feel nice and skinny again for the party.  (Plus of course hubby likes me skinny, though he does love me no matter what I look like.)  As of today I'm back on the 300 calorie thing to see if I can get these last 30 pounds off in the 30-ish days before the party.

So, after all that, here's my question:  Do you think it's possible to be addicted to both overeating and undereating equally?  Because I tell ya, watching those numbers roll downwards on the scale at around 10-ish pounds a week is sooooo satisfying (not to mention the cute clothes and the amazed compliments), but when I start bingeing I feel powerless to stop even though I know I shouldn't eat that way, for lots of reasons.  Also, how do you manage to eat healthfully when you do get to a healthy weight?  Is it a constant, minute-to-minute battle?  Or does it get easier?

Thanks so much for reading through all of this and for taking the time to send me your opinions/tips/whatever else you think may help.  I totally appreciate it, as I have looked at this from every angle I can think of and am not getting any new insights.  I need an outside perspective from someone who can relate.  Thank you so much!

Laura
Answer -
Hi Laura,

First off, my sincere apologies for taking a few days to get back to you.  For some reason, I never got notification that I had a question until today and I feel horrible for being so slow.

In any case, I hope I can be of at least a bit of help and definitely feel that one can be addicted to both overeating and anorexia.  I know that they seem like polar opposites, but I feel that they are more the same issue on different sides of a coin.  Really, both are about control (either taking extreme control over what goes into your body or losing-or at least feeling-out of control with food and eating).  Actually, I think it would be more safe to say that both are equally as out of control but with anorexia, you have that false sense that you are in control.

I am so sorry that you have been through all of these ups and downs with your weight and agree that your friend is right in seeing some signs of anorexia and worrying.  Definitely, eating 300 calories a day is NOT healthy for an adult and although it sounds like you are accomplishing the goal of losing weight...there is a definite price to your body.  

Eating 300 calories a day is way below what is considered a starvation diet (which I believe is 900-1200 calories, depending on the individual) and definitely not enough for a grown woman to function on.  Especially when you have two kids to look after (which I can only imagine is quite tiring at times and takes an abundance of energy).  Not only are there physical symptons (like being cold, slowing of body functions, loss of energy) there are a lot of other problems including: preoccupation with food (due to the extreme dieting), depression, inability to concentrate and increased anxiety-all of which are not conducive to living a full life and taking care of your children.  

And beyond the dangers of engaging in such a low calorie diet, severe restriction also sets you up to overeat or binge when you do eat.  This is, in my opinion, kind of the bodys sense of self preservation and keeps the cycle of restricting and then binging going.  I know that for me, I would restrict and feel good, eat-and end up eating what felt like too much and feel horible and then continue to do the same thing over and over again.  Worse, its like chasing a danging carrot that one can never reach as (commonly) the thinner you get, the more weight you want to lose.  And often, with such ups and downs, ones body perception begins to be quite off as well.

I actually found this article about a study in which they put previously healthy men on a starvation diet and found that there are a lot of physiological and psychological changes that occur with such dieting.  Its kind of a lengthy read, but quite interesting I think :)

http://river-centre.org/StarvSympt.html

So, while this is probably not the answer that you necessarily want, I highly recommend abandoning the 300 calorie a day plan and perhaps even meeting with a nutritionist who can help you find a more moderate plan to lose weight (if you really feel that you need to).  I can absolutely relate to how addicting it is to see the numbers drop and unfortunately, this is one of the problems with having an eating disorder.  For me, I felt such a sense of accomplishment that its easy to get very stuck and take it too far.  And, as I mentioned, such drastic undereating is really setting yourself up to binge and stay stuck.

Really, as difficult as it can be, a more healthy plan can allow you to lose weight without doing harm to your body.  Most experts will tell you that ANYONE needs at least 1500 calories a day even for the body to function.  And honestly, eating that much really does help your metabolism as well (you mentioned having more trouble this time-which is actually quite normal and makes sense as our bodies adapt to starvation and it does indeed get harder).  

I know that me telling you to just eat healthfully is pretty lame-considering that it sounds like you have been strugging with your eating disorder (in whatever form) for awhile now.  I highly recommend doing a bit of  research on the internet about eating disorders and anorexia as well as considering talking with a nutritionist and (if you are feeling stuck) even considering talking with a counselor.  Often, there are reasons why we get obsessed enough with weight loss to go beyond the parameters of regular dieting and take it to such extremes.  It is helpful to understand what is driving this and makes it that much easier to move on from it.  

Here are a few websites that I found personally helpful:

www.something-fishy.org
www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
www.healthyplace.com

I hope this helped at least a bit and again apologize for being slow in getting back with you.  

Please feel free to write again if there is anything that is still unclear or you have any other questions.  And, I hope that you are able to work on this so that you can be healthy and free to spend your energy on being a good mom and having an enjoyable and fufilling life  and not this obsession.  And, I know that its a difficult struggle-but it is very worth it.

Take care,

Meg

Answer
Hello again, Laura!

I am so glad that my answer made sense and was even a bit helpful!  And thank you so much for your kind words.

Phew, I am glad to hear that you are not eating 300 calories a day!  That really would be a quick recipe for disater.  However, as you may suspect, 900 calories a day is still not enough to keep your body running well.  

I am not sure about the one item a meal plan either (although it really sounds like something I would have tried back in the day myself).  I am guessing it is easy as you do not give yourself as many options, however it would probably be pretty hard to cover all of your needs nutritionally with this plan.

In saying 900 was the bottom number in the starvation range, I was really only saying that in terms of what scientists *officially* consider a starvation diet, that is the lower number.  However, most women need at least 1600 calories a day to keep their  bodies running and even that is generally considered a pretty low calorie diet.  I think that a lot of people actually eat about 2000.  The upside of eating a bit more is that you WILL (as you insightfully mentioned) be modeling good eating habits for your kids-which is very important.  And, if you can figure out what your body needs to function well and get all of the important nutrients, you can actually lose weight, feel good while doing it and improve your overall heath (rather than depleting it).  And, again, I truly do understand that the lure of a quicker fix is huge and appealing, but the upside of taking it a bit slower and more healthfully is that you will not slow down your metabolism (making it difficult to maintain your new weight) and it will making binging a lot less likely-which also supports your goal.  

I think I forgot to mention yesterday (and thought of this after I hit reply) that as that article said, please know that the body is hardwired to begin to overeat as we restrict-so while this is fruterating and so often a source of shame when it happens...it is just as much a biological response brought on by starving as it is because of your lack of control or whatever.  So, no matter what, try not to beat yourself up if this happens when you are restricting.  And better yet, you can work on eating healthfully to lose weight so this will not be an issue ;)  

I know its extremely difficult, but you sound really intelligent and sensible and I have no doubt that you can do this.

Here are a few more links for you :)

The first is regarding calories and what exactly they do (sometimes I find it helpful to see them from a more scientific viewpoint...as fuel and help to the body rather than only in terms of weight)

http://www.howstuffworks.com/static/calorie3.htm

And, here is a very helpful nutritional site that can help you see if you are getting all the nutrients and food groups into your diet so that you stay healthy while you get to the weight you will be happy with.

http://www.fitday.com/

Again, best of luck to you-and let me know if there is anything else that I can do :)

take care,
Meg