Expert: Joanne - 6/13/2006

Question
Firstly, thanks or being honest.  
I am going self catered and Im hopefully going to newcastle.  Do you think i should wait until i go to uni to see an expert if they are there anyway? Or will it be too late ?
Im doing my a levels at the moment and have a very busy summer so i think it would stress me and my family out to try and find someone to help me now.  
Its an inspiration to talk to people like yourself who have obviously overcome eating disorders.  I cant imagine the day where other people could cook for me or i would just relax about the whole issue of food.  What is more, I think whats stopping me from eating fat is that despite my hair/period issue, is that i actually like my body being slim.  Im not a stick and have a fair bit of muscle.  I felt so confident on a recent holiday compared to how i felt last year, despite having the most padded bikini ever!  
Should i maybe take suppliments for the essential fats i need? i have seen them in quite a few shops?
thanks once again holly,
sarah
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Followup To

Question -
Hi holly,
Right let me start by describing myself: I am 18 years, 5"7, i weigh 59kg. I exercise at the gym every other day and eat a very "healthy" diet. But i haven't always been like this though, about a year a go i combined a low-fat, low-carb diet together and lost a huge amount of weight in a very short space of a few months.  My periods stopped straight away and i lost a lot of hair.  Since then, about 6 months ago i saw a nutrionist to sort my food plan out.  I gained very little weight though and despite having a few very short and light periods they are not normal and neither is my hair.  My BMI indicates that my weight is normal, but i literally have very little fat on me, its all muscle.  I have no chest and the only reason i have lower curves is due to my gym training.  
My life is run by food.  I avoid social occasions so that i can make my own healthy food and get scared of the thought of someone else making me a sandwich! I know for a fact that despite eating loads of fruit, veg, pasta, bread etc that i dont eat enough fat.  I have a handful of brazil nuts in my museli breakfast, bit of margarine and salad cream light and low fat cottage cheese, but thats about it for "consciencious" fat content.  
My computer is full of recipies, diet tips etc and i buy and read loads of articles on health.  I am obsessed with looking on supermarket websites to educate myself on the different types of food and seem to know everything about whats in it.  Despite this though i just cant seem to fight this fear of fat.  
I fear going back to the way i was when i was so unhappy.  I dont look thin in clothes, but i feel it and know i do when im naked.  Im going away to uni soon and i fear not being able to control my food and exercise regime.  I fell so guilty if i dont go to the gym.  Occasionally i will have a few biscuits, maybe a few times a week, but thats not enough.  
I know i dont have an eating disorder, but i think i have disordered eating and i worry about my long term health.  I am fine now, got loads of energy etc but what about my periods, bones and hair? Surely that will only get worse or am i panicing if im ok now?
Equally, how can i combat this control freak nature about food? sometimes if i have to go somewhere over a meal time, i will fill my bag with low fat food, tell everyone i have already eaten and go to the toilets so i can eat "my" food.  
Im worried and i think my mum is too but i cant seem to kick start this fat eating or be less controlling.   Perhaps its because everytime i think about it i just think "it will be ok" because im not feeling the long term effects for my health.
Thanks so much for reading this, and please could you give me some advice on my questions and anything else you can deduct from my current life? am i alone?

thanks, sarah  

Answer
I'm not sure of the benefits of the fat supplements that you mention, but maybe in the short term, it is worth a shot, but this is not a solution for the bigger problem.

I personally don't think that you should wait, however, I know that it can be hard to find the help that you need.  The therapist that I saw only dealt with adolescents, and after only a few months with her I had my eighteenth, had to finish with her, and then couldn't find someone to replace her!  I think that trying to find someone may be worth a shot now, but be aware that it is hard and that you need to be ready to get the help.  If you are too preoccupied with exams and everything, you may not be able to give recovery your full attention, and may not find it as helpful, and in fact maybe even find it detrimental as you may see yourself as 'failing' at recovery which believe me can really make you feel low!

I got help from my teacher just about a month before I sat my Advanced Highers, and I am glad that I had been accepted to Med School on my Higher grades as in the end my advanced highers weren't as great as I wanted them to be, and I believe that it was because I got involved with the therapy at the wrong time - should have left it for another month or so.  If you feel that you are not in a life-death situation, which you don't sound to be, then maybe you should wait until you have at least sat your exams and then think about it.  Waiting lists may be quite long anyway!

I set myself the goal of being 'recovered' before I started uni - which was in Sep 04 - and didn't achieve that goal, allowing the eating disorder to spiral out of control after getting to uni, as my goal had been and passed, and nothing had changed, so I decided to just let things go on as they were.  I had to take Leave from uni in the November!  I did start back this year though, and have now completed first year and am in a much better position than I was the year before.  I think that you need to think realistically about how things are for you and how much getting the help means for you, and know that a couple of therapy sessions will more than likely not perform miracles, but they help!

I still really don't like people cooking for me!  At the moment I will only let other people make me things like filled pasta which comes out of a packet and I know what they are feeding me, but I can now feed myself most things.  I think that self-catered is the best way to go, yes you miss out on the social side of being in a dining hall with other students, but at the same time, you are more likely to eat something.

As for liking your body slim, I have found that it is in fact possible to follow a sensible meal plan and exercise plan and maintain my weight. I never believed that it wa s possible when I was at my worst, but now I know that it does!  I'm not going to lie and say it is easy to get to this point, in fact it was very hard, but it has been worth it.  Occasionally I still find myself restricting, or even purging, when things get too much, but I feel that I stopped getting help too soon.  I only met with the woman at uni a couple of times and felt that it wasn't the right time for me, so although I can control my eating habits now most of the time, I never learnt another way to deal with feelings that feed an eating disorder.

All I can say is that you need to speak to someone professional about this and at a time when you can commit to it!  I recommend trying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy first and see how that works for you.

Again, please come back if you need someone to listen or answer!

Good luck with your A Levels and I'm sure that you'll get to Newcastle in the end!
All the best
Holly