Expert: Joanne - 5/14/2006

Question
Hi, my name is Kevin and I have a girlfriend who admittedly has an eating disorder. She is about 5' 4" and around 110 pounds. She is involved in many activities and rarely has free time for herself. She recently won the Miss Valpariso concert and is still getting used to having the responsibility that comes along with it. I am concerned because yesterday she was acting quite unusual the whole day and then last night she told me for the past week she has been purgung. I did whatever I could to make her feel beautiful and she knows how i feel. I began to get even more worried when she told me her eyes had been hurting all day. She then showed me them and I saw that one of her eyes had popped a blood vessel. Please tell me what i should do to help her. Thank You!

-Concerned Boyfriend

Answer
I feel that some of the best advice may be found on pages such as this: http://www.anred.com/hlp.html
You have to be careful when talking about beauty with someone that is engaging in disordered eating behaviours.  You saying that your girlfriend is beautiful is great, but when she hears you say that, there is the chance that she will feel that she needs to continue in this way to maintain that beauty.  By eating 'properly' again, she may feel that she will lose that beauty if she puts on weight.

Your girlfriend's BMI is in the lower range of normal, so is by no means overweight or fat, but she will struggle to see that if the eating disorder is affecting her psychologically.  There is every chance that at the moment she isn't using it to control her weight, but just control her life in general, so it is necessary that she gets professional help in order for to learn new ways of coping.

It is relatively common for blood vessels in the eye to burst during purging, especially if it is being done very regularly and extremely.  The vessel itself will heal quite easily, but it is important that your girlfriend realises that this is a very superficial and minor problem of the eating disorder - imagine what effects it could possibly be having deeper in the body!

I think that you should encourage your girlfriend to seek the professional help, making sure that she knows that you are behind her.  In the meantime, try to avoid conversations about weight or appearance.  Comments such as 'beautiful eyes', etc may be nice to hear and can't be taken in the wrong way, but even the slightest mention of shape, positive or negative can be taken the wrong way.  Try not to allow arguements over food or behaviours occur, it may just make her become a lot more secretive about it.  Try to make sure that things that you do say about the situation don't sound acusing either.

I don't want this to sound scary, and am trying my best to be reassuring!  Make sure that you take care of yourself as well though!  Eating disorders can be a huge strain on everyone around, and it is important that you don't try to take on all of this yourself.  There is support out there for friends and family.

My best advice though is just to try and convince her to get the medical help that she needs.  Just an appointment with her normal Dr may be enough - he can refer her on to agencies that will be able to help if need be.

Please come back if you have any other questions or need more information!

Good luck to both you and your girlfriend
Holly