Expert: Amanda Sarkan - 4/1/2007

Question
I have a friend who is morbidly obese. He has become so big his body is lacking oxygen. He was told by his doctor to get on a sensible plan and start losing some weight. He keeps calling me wanting me to go out to eat with him. When I have in the past he orders enough for three people. I have been dodging him because I don't want to see him do this to himself. I feel like I might be an enabler. I also have guilt feelings about not wanting to be with a friend. Is there anything I can say or do to get him on the right track?

Answer
In this sort of a situation I wouldn't consider you an enabler.  Even though he has been instructed to lose weight, he still needs to eat.  All you can do is to encourage him to make healthy choices.  You can't force someone to stop an addiction.  
The feelings about not wanting to be with him are normal.  People don't want to witness loved ones destroy themselves.  Right now you need to realize that he knows what he has to do and you can encourage him to do the right thing but ultimately he will have to make the decision to get healthy.  In the meantime you need to take care of yourself.