Expert: Joanne - 12/11/2007

Question
I apologize in advance if this sounds a little scattered.. I have never spoken to anyone about this. I've been bulimic now for about 3 years. In the beginning i would only throw up once and a while. Lately I've become completely obsessed with it. I've never been fat, but had more of an athletic body. In the past 8 months I've lost about 40lbs. I'm 5'9 and my new measurements got me signed with a modeling agency where I live and in NYC and Paris. A regular day begins with avoiding food as long as possible... then usually once i get home in the evening I binge and purge for hours. I can't control it. I haven't been able to simply put something in my mouth and not think about it for about 8 months. Anything I eat I throw up. I often get dizzy and feel faint. I have no energy, often have stomach pains and am very moody. Being bulimic I feel disgusting and often feel depressed. It got to the point where I had to chose the disease or myself. I was doing a little better about 2 months ago.. I was able to eat very little (apples, veggies, banana chips.. and keep them down) I got a membership @ a gym and would work out. (that caused a whole new obsession though... and calories I ate I made sure I burned on the machines) but I was waking up feeling sick. I also gained about 10 lbs which freaked me out and now I find myself back in the same place. I want to live a healthy life. I even studied kinesiology and health sciences in university. My mind is driving my crazy. and bingeing seems to be the only thing that quiets it. But I can't go on like this. I just want some advise. I'm even beginning to worry about my health. I haven't had my period in about 8 months. My teeth aren't doing terrible... maybe because i binge the food before it has a change to digest at all. But i often get very light headed and see black spots and I'm wondering if thats a sign that I'm dying. I know that sounds extreme but it's scaring me.

Answer
Megan

How did being signed by a model agency make you feel?  Especially since you feel that being ill was what got you noticed effectively?
If you are enjoying the modelling, you need to be wary!  For starters, it is highly competitive, and is a breeding ground for eating disorders - do you feel it is a productive atmosphere to be in?  Plus, many countries are beginning to bring in guidelines stating how much models should weigh and some are looking to have models screened for eating disoders with full physicals, etc.  Would you be happy to give up modelling if someone ruled that you couldn't be on catwalks,etc for the sake of an eating disorder?

I don't want you to under-estimate the extent of damage that you may be doing to your body, but the light-headed and black spots suggests you are suffering from low blood pressure.  They don't mean you are dying, but that isn't to say that you aren't engaging in life-threatening behaviours!  You need to be very aware that what you are doing could possibly end your life at any time - be it severe GI bleeding or heart problems, etc.

www.something-fishy.org

Here you will find pages listing all the possible health complications that you may experience.  I don't want to terrify you, but emphasise just how dangerous eating disorders can be!

You need to seriously think about getting yourself help, and as soon as possible!  Please seriously think about approaching your Dr!  Is there someone at the modelling agency that can help with this?  Some modelling agency have access to people that can help in these situations, but I know that not everyone will seeing as they don't want to be seen to have 'eating disordered girls!'.  I think that no matter what, you need to think about your health right now!  You need to think about your LIFE lust now.  Unfortunately, if it means giving up modelling due to the impact that may have on your body image and eating habits, I would recommend it!  There is no easy way to 'get over' an eating disorder, and usually involves a lot of time, heartache and sacrifices, but it is very much worth it when you can begin to see a  life without an eating disorder becoming very much a reality!

Please come back if you want to ask absolutely anything else!

All the best
Holly