Expert: Meg - 7/16/2006

Question
I've recently discovered my 15 year old cousin has an eating disorder.  She has started to get treatment but is still in denial.  She is coming here to visit next month and I wanted to see if I could help by looking for a sample diet of what girls her age are supposed to be eating and what kind of simple menu she should start from.  I've been searching the net and can't seem to find much info on what to do, outside of getting professional help.  I feel like there has got to be more info out there on what her family can do, along with professional treatment.  Any info you can provide would be helpful!  Thank you!


Answer
Hi Kelly,

Thanks for your question and I hope that I can be of some help.  Its really wonderful that you care and want to help your cousin and its also quite good that she is starting to get treatment.

The most important thing that you can do, in my opinion, is to let her know that you care and support her.  Ultimately, she will need to *choose* to get better and accept the help that her treatment team is offering-but this can be a long and arduous process and its not unusual for girls to be in denial and not cooperative when they first start treatment.  

I would really suggest your learning as much as you can about eating disorders before her visit.  Some sites that you might find helpful include:

http://www.something-fishy.org/helping/whatyoucando.php

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=337

http://www.anad.org/

While its really admirable that you want to help her with her eating while she visits, I would say that providing her with healthy food choices and practicing healthy eating behavior and attitudes about eating would be beneficial.  I do not feel that planning out a meal plan for her would be a good thing as often, eating disorders are about control.  While she does need to be eating and hopefully has worked out some sort of plan with her treatment team, she will likely feel threatened and be more likely to restrict while visiting you if she feels out of control in this area.  I would ask her what she would like for you to get (in terms of food) so that she feels like she is part of the process of this all and then I would suggest keeping her food on hand and eating regularly as you would.  I know, from my own experience, that the more pressure people put on you to eat or eat new/unsafe *this is a common term for girls suffering from anorexia and basically means that its a food they don't feel comfortable eating given its fat/sugar/whatever.  Often, eating disorders aren't logical and "safe" foods will be odd things like pop tarts although generally they are healthy, fairly low calorie items.  I feel like the less pressure you put on her and the more you make eating a regular, healthy thing that you will continue to do regardless, the more it will help her.  

Obviously, the best thing that you can do is ask her what will make her feel the most comfortable regarding eating during her visit.  Everyone who suffers with and ED is different and it will probably help her to know that you are seeing her with an open mind and not pre-judging her based on what you've read or heard.

In terms of how else you can help while she visits (other than the dietary stuff), I would say by listening, letting her know that she doesn't have to talk but that you're there to listen and are willing to help in whatever way she would like.  I also know that when a person is starting treatment, so often all of her focus is on eating/recovery/food that it can be nice to have some "normal" time where she can just be a teenager and have fun too.  Don't treat her like a sick girl who can only talk about this stuff and help her rediscover other things that she likes to do and that will help her as she recovers to replace some of the unhealthy eating disordered thinking and behavior with some more positive options.

I hope this helped at least a little and invite you to write again if anything in this note is unclear or if there is anything else at all that I can help you with.

Take care and best of luck to you!

Meg