Expert: Joanne - 3/21/2007

Question
Hi I’m Matt 21 years of age, I am 5''10 and my weight is 55kg. My reason in
writing to you is because I need some help now before it is too late. I have
always been very thin it runs in my family but it has always got me down and I
have always wanted to put on more weight and muscle. My concerns though are the
fact that I have never had sex and have only ever had one relationship which you
couldn’t really call a relationship as it was in high school. I haven’t ever
even kissed a girl, I have been asked out in the past by very attractive girls
that I have always wanted to date but for my worry about my body stopping me
from dating. Also I lost my friends when I was 16 due to me never socialising
going out with them, I haven’t really had what you can call a friend for five
years now that is some thing else that is really getting me down. I see my self
as an attractive guy and am often told this by girls I chat to online or see in
the street, there is a girl at the moment that I really like who likes me too
and she doesn’t understand why I wont go and see her. I’ve tried explaining to
girls in the past and not surprisingly it scares them away. I am quit a fit
healthy person I get regular exercise as I coach a football team weekends, and
my eating is not as bad as it was when I was younger, I eat
Chicken,Fish,Potatoes,Veg, I think I could eat better but I don’t work at the
moment after recently losing my part time job and I’m still living with my
Mother and younger Brother, My Mother is on benefits and doesn’t live on a lot
so for me to have say at least 4 meals a day to help with me putting on Weight
would be impossible. I have seen Nutritionists in the past few Months that have
told me I’m not under weight and to eat more which I cant do as I explained. I
have clothes that make me look clean and presentable but I always have to ware
like two pair of trousers or two tops to make me look bigger. Also because of
the stress I am under with looking for work, Supporting my Mother, and My sex
Life (or lack of it) I am starting to get spots on my face and my skin is
starting to look red when not long ago I got it looking well again. I went to
the Doctors she said I had achny and gave me some cream to treat it which did
start to work but I now seem to be breaking out in more again. If this wasn’t
enough I also have certain family members thinking that I am gay they have often
joked about it and this hasn’t helped my confidence although I have never once
questioned myself in that way and I know I only like women for sure. There has
been times when I have thought is this all worth it (Life I mean) but the only
thing keeping me here is the people I would hurt who I left behind. My Mothers
Brother also took his own life when she was younger. My Dad is an alcoholic he
works at the same place as I used to and the money he gets he never supports his
family and never helps my Mother out either, He has four kids two of whom are in
care as there Mother also took her own life. I really need to get a life now and
start to do some thing about getting help what ever it takes. The thing is I
know what I want out of life and it is only my weight condition that is holding
me back, If I put on a few more pounds which I could work with in the Gym I
could get a new hair style, Clothes to fit, I would go to college to make new
friends, I would get a part time job in order to support my Mother and Brother,
I would go clubbing with Cozens that have asked me to go with them, And I would
get a relationship and some day have kids and my own home as well as learn to
drive, And be able to go on holiday swimming and feel happy in my self and most
of all about my self. Can you give me any guidance about how I can get help and
support it would be appreciated. I have thought about Surgery or Steroids and
have also been to the Gym but having no fat to work with it just causes Bruising
and Pains. Am I just one of a kind that is so Weird I am past help I don’t know
that’s where I need some help Thanks.  

Answer
You are not weird, you have an 'ectomorph' body type.  Some people find it hard to gain weight, while some people would love this body type, those that have it wish for anything but!

All I can suggest you do is eat what you can whenever you can!  Try adding high calorie foods such as cheese and cream to whatever you can.

When you are at the gym, try to avoid anything cardiovascular.  Don't spend ages on a bike or treadmill, but instead focus on weight training and resistance training.  Start at a weight you feel you can easily manage to do a number of repetitions with, and on a weekly or fortnightly basis, increase the weight you are lifting.

Unfortunately, there is not much else you can do about gaining weight!  Have you had your thyroid function tested and the like to make sure that there is nothing else going on?

As for your acne, maybe try going back to your Dr and tell them that the cream doesn't work.  Antibiotics taken orally may be more effective.

I think that you should also maybe consider talking to a therapist or something as well.  It can't be easy supporting your mum and brother, and sometimes it helps just to have someone to talk to!  They may also be able to help you accept your body as well.  I'm particulary worried about the references made to taking your own life.  That is never a solution!  You really need to seek real-time help to discuss these feelings more!

As for the girlfriend thing, you think that being bigger would help, I think that being smaller would help find me a guy!  None of it is true!  If someone truly likes you, it wouldn't matter about what you look like!  You seem to have had a few girls interested in you, so that has to show you that it doesn't matter!  I think that you just need to let someone get close enough to show you this!

Please really consider getting some help for this.  Body image issues very rarely resolve themselves without you working on them!

Holly