Expert: Katie - 4/18/2006

Question

Hi again...Thank you sooo much for your help!Well when you had the eating disorder was it noticable?Like was people like omg your so skinny!Cause Im just a normal figure now...people used to say that though...and i dont know why but...I actually want to be anorexic..I know you must think im crazy...but i dont know why i think this way...

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Followup To
Question -
Hi!Sorry about the follow up,I just have one more question...Well what am I suppose to say if I go for help?Im so scared.What did you do?Did you go for help?What did you say?...Thanks!xox

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Followup To
Question -
Hi

Ok,well last summer i lost alot of weight.I was finally happy with what I weighed.(sort of)I was eating only fruits and veggies and very low fat foods.I would not eat more then 10 grams of fat per day and not more then 900 calories.But now I dont know whats wrong with me...I cant stop eating!Ive gained weight,about 10 pounds!!!I will eat so much,untill i get so full and then I try to puke it out...half the time i cant puke it all out...Even my mom says that im eating to much...i denie it,I cant tell her that i eat this much!I will eat  in between 1300 calories to 2000 calories per meal now!!I dont know what got to me...I cant eat infront of others because of the amount of food I eat...Your the only one I can count on right now..plz help! help me lose back the 10 pounds!what can I do?plz help...thanks...
Answer -
Hi Jill. It looks like you're suffering brom the beginnings of bulimia. Bulimia is more than just the act of throwing up your food, there is a whole mentality associated with it. I DEFINITELY can relate to not being able to stop eating. The number one symptom of bulimia is consuming ridiculously large amounts of food, especially in private. My first suggestion to you would be ask for help (which you've already somewhat done in reaching out to me). Bulimia is a serious disease of addiction, and once it gets serious, it is extremely difficult to correct. Since you seem to be in the very early stages, I believe that if you seek help now you will be fine. I know it may seem intimidating, even impossible, to ask someone for help right now, but I think you need to do this, and I promise you that you will be thankful you did. Your parents don't necessarily need to be the first ones you tell, you can take baby steps in working up to that. Is there a teacher that you trust and can tell? Or maybe a friend's parent? Or even just a friend would probably be better than nothing. Trust me, you do not want to find yourself on the endless road of bulimia, it is a very unhappy one and some bulimics are never cured. I'v been a bulimic for six years and I am still not anywhere near being cured.
I know that it is diffucult to suddenly be ten pounds heavier and have this compulsive behavior around food, but last summer you seemed to have done well with portion control and eating well, so I am sure that you can do it again. This insatiable appetite for food that you're going through is called 'binging.' Try eating five small, low-fat meals a day, I know that this sounds difficult right now, but just try. Focus on fruits, vegetables, fish or lean chicken, and low-fat yogurts are great too. Also, drink a ton of water, it will boost your metabolism. Try working out if you can, for at least a half an hour ever day, with a focus on cardio. Those extra ten pounds you are carrying will start to melt themselves off if you stick to this. Also, when you're eating, eat very slowly, and take small bites, this will keep you from slipping off into binge mode. Also, it takes 20 minutes for your stomach to send the signal to your brain that you are full, so eating slowly will definitely keep you from binging. Most of all, try and think positively. Always see the glass as half full rather than half empty, even though I know that this is sometimes very hard.
Trust me I know what you are going through and you are not alone in this battle. I hope this helps! Let me know if there is anything else I can help you with, okay?
Best Wishes,
Kate.
Answer -
Hello again Jill, don't apologize for the follow-up question, you can ask me as many questions as you want. After all, I am here to help you. First of all, there are a lot of different ways of asking for help. First I thing you need to figure out who it is you are going to ask for this help. The first think I did in my step towards getting help was telling my best friend. I took baby steps with it (baby steps is probably the most important tool on the road to recovery), I told her that I had an eating disorder, not have one, and that I didn't have the problem anymore, it was just some way I could get the weight of my eating disorder off of my chest somehow, because at that point I had been hiding it for four years without telling a single soul. That is a lot to keep in. It was a lie, I was not in any way recovered, and I don't necessarily suggest taking the same step I did, but you definitely need to tell someone. The best thing that I ever did to help cure myself of my eating disorder was to tell a teacher that I trusted. I was terrified, absolutely terrified. In fact, I didn't even have the nerve to tell her myself. I had a friend tell her that I had both anorexia and bulimia and that I was in desperate need of help. The reason I picked this teacher was, first of all because I trusted her, and second of all because I knew that she had lost her cousin to an eating disorder, so I knew that she had already had a lot of prior experience in dealing with this and was well-informed. I remember she confronted me after my friend had talked to her, and I was absolutely terrified. In fact, I couldn't even look her in the eyes, and my voice would tremble when i tried to say anything. I basically just told her how long I had been doing this, how I do it, how often, and how my family reacted to it. Most of all, and this is the most important part, I told her that I wanted help, that I didn't want to be doing this to myself anymore, and that I knew I could not fight this and win on my own. Looking back, telling her was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. She went above and beyond what I could have ever expected her to do for me, and was enormously supportive. I really don't know where I'd be right now if it weren't for her. I know that you're scared, believe me I know what if feels like to be where you are right now. Telling someone that you have a problem is not, in any way, an easy thing to do. It takes a very strong soul to admit that you have a problem and to admit that you need help. Look at it this way, you've already gotten the hardest part over with: you've realized that you have a problem. Also, you've asked me for help too, I know that this is entirely different because it is not a face to face confrontation with someone you know, but it is still a baby step. I promise you that things will get better. I am a firm believer in the phrase that 'things have to get a lot worse before they get any better.' This isn't going to be easy, but I promise you that everything is going to be okay, someone is going to take care of you. Trust me, I know what you're going through, I know how it feels because I've been there. I know what it feels like to think that nobody is going to understand what you are going through, or that people are going to think you are gross or weird because of this, but trust me, everything is going to turn out okay. Eating disorders are completely mentally driven. Those of us who are eating disordered don't see what those around us see. We don't see our beauty, we only see our flaws, and that is very unfortunate. I truly believe that anyone has the power to overcome an eating disorder, it is definitely not easy, but I believe it can be done.  I know that you are terrified right now, that is healthy, I'd be more concerned if you were not terrified, but find someone that you trust and ask for help. I'm not telling you that you are going to instantly be cured by doing this, but it will be a huge step on the path to recovery. Truthfully, the only person who can really cure an eating disorder is the one who is eating disordered. That may seem like a daunting task, but that's because in reality, it is, but it can be done. I think the best medicine for an eating disorder is support. Having someone's shoulder to cry on and someone's ear to listen to you will really work wonders. So, best of luck and remember to try and think positively. And just know that you are not alone in this fight.
Best of luck,
Katie.

Answer
When I had my eating disorder (I still have one), it was noticeable at first, but it was very gradual. It wasn't something that happened immediately. I also gained a signifigant amount of weight due to my bulimia. I have been underweight and I have been overweight. Eating disorders do not guarantee a skinny body, in fact they may actually prevent you from having one. Currently, I am still suffering brom both anorexia and bulimia and I weigh 104 pounds. However, I am also only 4'10". My height was severely stunted by my eating disorder. Had I not had an eating disorder, my doctor thinks that I may have been somewhere around 5'4". I don't think you're crazy at all for wanting to be anorexic, I think all truly eating disordered people go in with the mindset that they want to be anorexic, but they don't want to be sick. I went in with that same state of mind, in fact somedays I still have that. I don't believe this feeling has anything to do with anorexia itself though. I think eating disorders are a source of comfort for us, it also makes us unique, doesn't it? It's like everyone has something that they are great at, and this ours. I believe that all of that is sub-conscious though, so our brains are tricked into thinking that we want to be anorexic. I wanted to be an anorexic too and I became one. However, I didn't want the diabetes, the arthritis, the severe anemia, the stunted growth, the infertility, the severe hair loss, the discolored skin, and the heart murmur that I also received from it. Now, the only thing I really want to be, is normal. You're in the very beginning steps of something serious, and I'm telling you what the results may be, so please give things some serious thought and get help.
With much love,
Kate.