Expert: Meg - 4/14/2007

Question
Hi there Meg, how are you?
I have a few questions for you!
I think i may have a problem? But i cant be too sure.
You see i went through a stage of not eating, this must of started when i was about 12 - 13 years old. I would skip meals and just eat big bars of chocolate day after day untill i would start to feel dizzy and then once or twice i would have to eat a meal before i ended up on the floor!!!  That was a while ago, but recently i have started to slip back into my old ways and only eat chocolate and drink so much coffee it would give me a buzz in the evenings and i would be bouncing off the walls at nite! I also started to eat quite alot of food and then feel really guilty for it after a while it didnt need to be alot of food maybe something as small as a banana, (as i was attending a weight loss class with my friend) so i would make my self sick until i couldnt be sick ne more and all that was coming up was acid. (This lead to more complex things with the docs!)  This was ok as i couldnt bare to eat anything after that as it would give me intergestion. I was lossing weight fast i think i lost 6 lbs in 2 weeks!! I liked it my clothes were looser and i could fit into a size 8-10! I am a very active person i walk at least 10-15 miles a day, I horse ride at least 45 mins a day and iam always walking everywhere!! i burn at least 1500 calories a day if not more, i would say that my intake of calories is not much at all! Such as today i have had salmon with salad and a packet of crisp.
But i go through phases where say, for 2 weeks i am not sick and eat loads, then maybe next week i will be sick at least 3 maybe 4 times a day and eat very little.
Another thing i do is i always look in the mirror and see if can still see my hip bones and the muscle line down the middle. I always feel fat and cover my self up even if i sit down i will put my arms around my waist so no one can see how fat i am.
I try not to weigh myself as that will only upset me for the day and i will eat nothing at all. That or i will be sick as much as i can to get rid of the food i have just comsumed. The hardest part i feel is that i always feel dizzy and faint and i did actually pass out the other week and i cant afford that to happen again at least not when i am on my own!! I do also have depression and feel worthless at the mo and that has a big part to play in my eating habits. I would so very much like to tell my doctor about all of this but i am too scared to, she might think i am a hypercondreact and not take to much notice or something! How would i say it too her ne ways??
Iam really looking forward to you reply back iam sorry i wrote so much, i have never told ne 1 this all before thank you sooo much in advance!
Xxx  

Answer
Hello!

Thanks for your question and I hope that I can be of some help.  Its great that you took the time to put all of these thoughts and feelings together and tell me what is going on and I hope that you can do the same with your doctor or someone else you trust in your life.  I know that can be scary and a difficult thing to do, but its worth it as you need and deserve all the support and help you can get to deal with what is going on.

It can be hard to feel one's eating disorder is significan or "real" and this is actually something that a lot of women go through.  However, lets re-cap some of what you wrote in your note above.  You mention:  a period when you only would eat certain foods which caused you to feel dizzy, purging, possibly excessive exercising, an obsession with weight, significant food restricting, consistantly feeling fat, and dizziness and faintness
due to these behaviors.  Now, while I understand your feeling a little unsure as to if what is going on is an eating disorder, can you honestly look at the above list and say that its normal or healthy?  If you have a little sister who was doing all of this, wouldn't you be worried and want her to find help so that she could get back into a healthier frame of mind and body?  

If you still have any doubts, then I would recommend checking out some of these online self tests:

http://www.something-fishy.org/isf/questionnaire.php

http://www.caringonline.com/eatdis/misc/edtest.htm

http://www.eatingdisordersonline.com/selftest.php



They not only are helpful for you but can also be good as if you want to talk with your doctor about what is going on but have no words to do so, you can just print out your results and let him or her read them to start the conversation.  

I understand your worry about not feeling like anyone will take you seriously, however if they don't then they are no doubt misinformed or underinformed about eating disorders.  My guess, however, is that whomever you tell will be supportive and be able to point you towards some real life help.  

Keep talking and keep taking steps to get some help or at least let others know what is going on.  You deserve much more than a life where you feel "fat" and unhappy and you sound like a young woman with a lot going for her.  Its possible to stop this obsessing and feel good about yourself again, and although it can take some work and time, its so worth it-as are you.  Anyway, the first steps towards being free of this is speaking up and letting people who can help know what is going on.  You can do it!

I hope this helped and please feel free to write again if anything in my response wasn't clear or if there is anything else that I can help with.

Best,
Meg