Expert: Joanne - 12/6/2006

Question
i need help.I don't like eating one bit.The thought of gaining more and more weight is horrible.Plus i kind of want to get  myself noticed by not eating and fainting in front of everyone so id be noticed more.Its weird yes i know but its something i need to happen.Why do i want to stop eating just for this?

Answer
Is there a reason that you want to attract people's attention?  Why do you not feel that you have everyone's attention already?

My guess is that there is some deep rooted issues that are making you crave this attention, and possibly making yourself ill in the process!

Please let me tell you something!  I didn't get noticed for my eating disorder until I was extremely ill with it, in fact I went all out to make sure that it was well hidden.  During this time, I took seizures and fainted!  Never found out whether these were directly linked to the eating disorders, but let me tell you, these are not fun!  A couple of years ago I took one a seizure while trying to cook for flatmates, and landed on the knife that I was using to peel vegetables.  I was lucky and it missed my neck, getting my cheek instead, but I damaged glands, and have a hideous scar!  I mean terrible scar, one that I hope that the plastic surgeons can fix soon!  A few weeks ago, I had one again and smashed my head off of something, and have a scalp wound that goes right down to the bone!  The Dr in A&E didn't realise how deep it went, so it wasn't sutured!  In fact, it was only sutured today - 3 weeks later as it was not healing and I was risking infection getting to the skull!

I have had many other 'epsiodes' like these, and on a few occasions have had other injuries.  I tell you this only to show you the dangers that exist.  I would sell my soul tomorrow in exchange for definitely never having one of the collapses again.

These are some of the scariest experiences I have had in my life.  What happens if I have a seizure and no one who knows me is around?  Fainting is even scarier again!  Seizures I'm completely unconscious, but during a faint I can usually hear and feel what is going on about me, but have no way of responding.  I remember being ill one day and fainting, and I was burning up, really burning up, but I couldn't tell anyone that!  That terrified me.  Thankfully someone finally felt that I was too hot and removed one of my tops, but that feeling of having no control is not nice!

Believe you me, it will not get you good attention.  I was often made fun of at school.  Don't get me wrong, I was never really bullied because of it, but there were the snide remarks made by some bitches!  I was forced to pull out of university first time round due to the eating disorder and seizures (thankfully I'm back, and have been back for the last year and a half), and now I'm constantly watching my back, knowing that I could lose my place at medical school again, or my job, or even my friends!

These put extreme strain on my friends.  There is a constant 'what if?' in their minds.  

I just want you to seriously think about why you want this so much!

Is there anyone that you can talk to about this?  How old are you?  Are you at school or uni or anything?

Please get back in touch!
Holly