Expert: Meg - 11/3/2003

Question
Hi
im 23 and ive suffered from food disorders (both anorexia and bulimia) for longer than 8 years.
my sexual life is a disaster because i can hardly feel any pleasure, IF any at all.
so id like to ask u if and in what way your food disorders have affected your sentimental and sexual life.
thank u very much

Answer
Hello Mary Jane-

Like you, my eating disorders have really gotten in the way of enjoying romantic relationships as well-and although I'm most of the way better-this is something I'm still working on myself.  Unfortunately, I'm not the best person to be giving advice here, although I'll try my best to let you know what my experience has been thus far.

I've found that the when one is really engaging in disordered eating and is feeling all the self hate and dissatisfaction that genereally go along with this stuff, it is difficult if not impossible to be in a healthy relationship.  First off, because (at least in my experience), not eating, purging, etc really disconnects you from your body and in order to be a participant in a physical relationship, you have to be present and feeling at least somewhat comfortable in your body.  Also, in terms of intimacy-both physical and emotional, I feel that it requires feeling comfortable enough with yourself to be vulnerable and honest with another person.  Again, this really goes against what eating disorders often produce (secrecy, feeling ashamed, disconnection, etc).  

Although its difficult, I believe that the best way to improve things with both dating and sex is to really work on getting healthier emotionally and physically.  I know that sounds kind of cliche, but it really does help in this area...or at least in my rather limited experience, it seems to be helping.

I wish you lots of strength as you keep fighting this and if there is anything else I can do, please email me.

Sorry that I don't have a clearer answer here.

Take care!

Meg