Expert: Meg - 2/26/2004

Question
Meg...
I need help.  My sister in law has recently shared with me that she is anorexic/bulemic.  I am very concerned for her, as she has 3 small children.  I suspect that her behavior has been going on for more that 3 years.  I have already lost one friend to bulemia, and I don't  want to loose my sis in law too!!  She lives in a different state, and has no health insurance.  Is there any free help out there?  If so, where? And how do you suggest I get her the information without her getting upset?
Awaiting your answer...
Thanks for listening...
Marli


Answer
Hello Marli-

Wow, you're in a tough spot and I really feel for you.

Its great that your sister in law confided in you, as at least she is aware that she has a problem (as crazy as it sounds, quite often when one is sick with an eating disorder-there is a LOT of denial going on...even when the person is really not well).  So, that's a good thing for sure.  Also, it sounds like she trusts you and was reaching out for help if she shared this information with you.  

While a lot of treatment is costly, there are definitely some options out there that might work for her.  I would suggest you begin  by looking at the Something's Fishy website (www.something-fishy.org) as they are a great resource for information (for your sister in law as well as for you, as a family member of someone who is struggling with an eating disorder).   On that site, there is an option for "treatment finder" where you can imput your location and get a broad range of options for pretty much anywhere in the world. So, I would suggest beginning there.

As far the monetary obstacle, I know that ANAD -National Association of Anorexia and related disorders(www.anad.org) is a helpful resource in that they offer completely free support groups in most areas. I'd check their website for this information as well.  

Finally, there are probabaly sliding scale or pay as you can mental health centers that your sister in law might be able to use.  As I don't know where she is located, I unfortunately can't offer any specific advice, however I do know that they are generally listed in the yellow pages under community mental health centers.  

As far as getting her this information, I agree that this can be a bit sticky-however, since she was open with you...it should be a little easier.  Above all, I want to stress that this is HER problem and while you can provide her support and information, ultimately SHE has to make the decision to do something about it.  Often, eating disorders have a good bit to do with feeling in control and so this makes fighting them (esp. when it feels like its not the person's own decision) more complicated.  I would remind her that you care very much about her and that you want her to be happy and healthy and are willing to help her find some ways to get help.  It may take a few conversations for this to sink in, so know that this may freak her out a bit at first.  Then, you can give her the names of the places you've found (or else info on where to look) and let her make the calls-which is the hard part.  Is there anyone else in your family who is closer in proximity who you could recruit to help as well (of course, you probably want to talk with her first so that she doesn't feel that her confidentiality with you was broken).  You might want to pass along the Something's Fishy website address to her as well.  There are some great support boards that are a good supplement to getting professional help.

I hope this has helped a bit, and wish you lots of luck as you deal with this.  Take care and let me know if there is anything else I can do.

Best,
Meg