Expert: Meg - 7/26/2007

Question
Hi, Meg.  I went through treatment about six months ago for anorexia (I am
about 5'5", and at the time I went in, I was about 100 lbs -- I went in for
alcohol abuse, so the eating disorder wasn't my biggest problem).  Anyway, I
now weigh about 116, and I'm very uncomfortable.  I feel like in the past
when I wasn't anorexic, I was more like 110, and I want to get back to that.  I
don't want to relapse into anorexia, but I feel like even though I exercise
pretty vigorously and I've been eating very little for about two months now,
my weight will not budge.  It's really frustrating me, because even though I
don't want to get that low again, I feel totally out of control (which I know is
the disease talking), like nothing I do has any effect.  I know there is no way
I'm not buring more calories than I'm taking in, and while I'm not gaining
anymore, I just can't lose any.  I feel like my metabolism has just come to a
stop.  Please help, as I'm very uncomfortable.  I know my body is probably
trying to protect itself by storing this weight, but how long do you think it will
be until I can see some changes?

Answer
Hi Sally,

First off, a bit pat on the back for coming so far in terms of dealing with your alcohol abuse and eating disorder.  I know its not easy and it sounds like you've made some real headway.  

I'm sorry that you're feeling frustered and gross with your weight right now.  That is never fun, and I think even harder when you are trying to recover and comparing your former (anorexic) body to what it is now.  Honestly, I think that you are still underweight and your body probably isn't letting you lose weight now because you don't have any to spare.  I also understand that you most likely feel like you definitely do, but I think that is the eating disorder talking.  Its really good that you are able to identify the out of control feeling in the same way, as I truly believe that the more you are able to filter out the eating disorder from the actual reality, the closer you are  going to be to being totally free from this.  

It does sound like your metabolism is probably not working as well as it should be too, although my guess is that until your body is healthy again, it won't cooperate with you.  I know this can be frusterating, but it also kind of safeguards you from getting really sick again (which might seem annoying right now, but ultimately is a very good thing).  

If you want my best advice (and I'm sorry, as I don't know that this is maybe what you want to hear), I would say focus on recovery right now.  Meaning, focus on letting your body get healthy again and keep working on letting go of the eating disordered thoughts and feelings that are still there.  

As far as getting your metabolism back to normal, my guess is that if you're exercising vigorously but not eating enough, your body is going to stay stuck for quite some time.  As counterintuitive as it seems, eating more might be the answer for you-not only in terms of your body getting healthy again but also so that your metabolism can get back into shape.  

For many people, there is a point where one's body adjusts to restriction and it is possible to maintain while not eating much and working out.  This is still being stuck in the eating disorder and (at least in my experience) not a fun time in that you're working really hard at exercising and restricting and yet nothing is changing like it did when you first started.  This is really the crux of eating disorders, as often the "payoff" is highest when you first start and then like any other addiction, you continually do the same thing that used to work and wonder why you need more and more to feel anything.  

Are you still working with some sort of support/treatment aftercare team?  You might want to check back in with them and let them know that you're feeling suck as it sounds like you might not only be physically stuck right now but also a little stuck in terms of your eating disorder and recovery.  

I really am sorry that you're feeling uncomfortable.  I think that most everyone who is recovering or has recovered goes through this and I know that it really is not fun at all.  I promise you that it will pass and I also hope that you can take a step back and look logically at the situation and know that you are still underweight and that the bulk of this is still your eating disorder talking and trying to be in control.  

Are there other things that you can do for now that help you feel in control of other things?  I know that sometimes, I still feel overwhelmed with everything and doing little things like cleaning out a drawer or else making a todo list for the day and then checking it off can be helpful in terms of not feeling so out of control.  

Hang in there and I hope this helps at least a little.  Please write anytime if there is anything else that I can help with.

Best,
Meg