Expert: Loren - 7/9/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hi, Loren.  I have battled anorexia on and off since about the age of 15 (I am
now 30).  Although it has been an awful journey, I don't think I've ever gotten
too far below 100 pounds.  I recently went into treament for alcohol, and
ended up treating my eating disorder as well.  While in treatment, I gained
about 10 pounds, and now, at 5'5 1/2" I weight about 117.  I know this is still
on the low end of the spectrum, and I know my ED thinking may still be active
(it's been six months since I entered treatment), but I am incredibly
uncomfortable with this weight.  For the past few weeks, I've been restricting
again, I believe to less than 1200 calories a day, and exercising regularly, but
the weight is exactly the same.  My guess is that my metabolism has just
gotten so messed up from the years of on and off restricting, and also as a
result of that quick weight gain I had in treatment, but can you tell me what
you think is going on?  Am I eating too many calories?  Too few?  Do I have a
new "set point"?  Is my body just protecting its fat stores?  I know this is all
part of anorexic thinking creeping back in, but I just don't know what to do.  I
keep thinking if I weighed more like 110 or 112, I'd feel more comfortable.  
Please help.  I just feel so out of control with my body, which I know is the
problem in the first place.  Thank you so much.

ANSWER: Hello Sally

I've been in similar situations before. I think it's a matter of your weight sitting at a plateau. Your body is obviously protecting itself from years of restriction and, because of your recent weight gain, trying to remain out of a dangerous range.

I do not think you're eating too many calories. If anything, I'd say you aren't eating enough for a woman of your age. At 5"5 and 117lbs you are healthy but, as you have said, sitting at the low end of the scale. I know you say you are uncomfortable, and that is understandable as your anorexia is telling you that it is wrong and 'not good enough' etc but it's that mentality you want to get rid of. I can tell you for a fact that if you were to get to 110-112lbs you may feel happy for about five minutes before you start to think that you could just go that little bit further. Then the anorexia cycle starts all over again and life's too short for this.
I'm almost certain that you want to be happy, and a future of anorexia is not.

I think you should perhaps see about getting a little more help to banish these thoughts. It need not be with a counsellor but maybe if you just have a friend that you can go and talk to when you feel your at your lowest, I'm sure you can get through this.

Take care,
Loren

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for this, Loren.  I know the idea of getting too low is definitely not
something I want to do again.  I really don't want to go back to anorexia.  I just
feel like 110-112 is where my weight used to naturally fall, and I feel so
uncomfortable with these few extra pounds.  Can you suggest anything I might
do to get back down to that?  Again, I know I've been too scared to go any lower
than that.  Thanks.

Answer
At the moment I would not suggest anything as drastic as changes to diet as you are still in recovery. All I can suggest is exercise although at the moment I'm wary of that as I know that that too can become addictive.
If 110-112 is where your weight used to naturally fall then in time it will become that but you'll prevent that process from happening if you relapse into an anorexic state. My advice is just to be patient and, if you must, do a little more exercise.

Take care,
Loren