Expert: Joanne - 9/25/2006

Question
Holly-
I have been bulimic for 4 years now.  I am a recovering alcoholic, with almost 7 months sober, and working the program of AA.  I was hoping that my bingeing and purging would leave me once I began working the AA program, and stopped drinking.  It has not by any means - it is truly taking over my life, and for some sick reason, I don't care.   I do care, obviously, in some sense because I am writing to you.  There is the 12step Overeaters Anonymous program, but for whatever reason, it is not working for me.  I can't seem to stop eating food and throwing it up.  What helped you stop?  What do you do when you are struggling with the urge?  I feel so hopeless and helpless, yet at the same time, wishing I could just binge and purge all day long.  Why do I feel this way?  Can I ever eat like a normal person?  I am just so frusturated because I feel like I'm never going to stop.  If you could help me understand what has helped you, I would really appreciate it.  

Answer
I had a decision to make!  I could continue to self-destruct, or I could go to medical school.  In the long run, the 2 just aren't compatible, so really there was only one thing that I could do, and that was to give up the eating disorder as it would have been stupid of me to throw away uni for it!

I think that you need to focus on a reason why you should give up the bulimia and focus on it every time that you eat.  Fortunately, near the end, I was no longer binging, but just purging what I was eating normally, sometimes even just fruit, so I just had to fight the urge to purge rather than the one to binge as well.

Have you ever contacted a counsellor?  I think that it might be worth talking to your Dr or another health professional and see if they can refer you to someone that can help.  You will get nowhere trying to fight this yourself, take it from someone who knows!

The urge is always going to be there until you can feel comfortable with yourself and eating!  Unfortunately, I can not tell you how to overcome that as it is something that I am still fighting with myself.  I know that when I'm struggling, I tend to not eat now, and that is something I am working on now.

Feeling hopeless and helpless can sometimes drive you to binge and purge, as it momentarily fills a void that you may feel.  For that small amount of time you can get rid of those feelings.  Momentarily, purging youself of the food can be like purging yourself of the feelings, but it is a vicious cycle.  After purging, you feel even worse, which can lead to it all happening again.

When I was in therapy, I was told to think of it as a cycle, and the best way to try and get over bulimia was to try and break into that cycle.  It may mean making sure that you are surrounded by people most of the time so that you don't have the opportunity to binge and/or purge.  Or after eating go and do something so that you don't have the ability to purge.  I found that joining a number of societies or classes and eating just before them helped as I couldn't leave to vomit.  It really is all about avoidance!

I hope that this has been of some help.  If you want to ask anything else, or just want to talk, please feel free to come back.

Holly